Start Of A New Life
by JuliaB
Summary: Since Kate almost died from a bullet wound, Tony and Kate have gotten a lot closer. But Kate also has a new boyfriend and she’s obviously serious about it. Tony seems to be okay with it - but is he really?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: ****Start of a New Life**

**Beta: **MWSATDKT - great thanks to you!

**Summary**: AU postTwilight (Tate of course). Since Kate almost died from a bullet wound, Tony and Kate have gotten a lot closer. But Kate also has a new boyfriend and she's obviously serious about it. Tony seems to be okay with it - but is he really?

**Genre**: Romance, with major angst!

**Disclaimer**: NCIS is property of DPB, I don't own it.

**Chapter 1**

Tony, who for a change was actually trying to work, looked over at Kate when he heard her giggle into her cell phone. He didn't believe his eyes and ears. Kate? Giggling? There was something wrong with that idea. Kate didn't giggle. That thought was strange enough to make Tony forget that he should be glad to see her so happy. Over the last two weeks she had seemed a little bit depressed to him. At times she had been acting weirdly. She wouldn't even shout at him anymore when he annoyed her. She'd only send an exhausted and kind of upset look his way, and this look managed what more than two years of arguing with him hadn't: it shut him up.

The main reason why that look worked was that Tony had become softer around her after she had almost been killed. Almost losing her had taught him to value her presence more, and he wanted to try and be more kind to her because he knew that she was still upset after the incident. They spent a lot more time together outside the office now - that's why he was in a good position to judge the state she was in. While at the hospital she had been more quiet than usual - but wasn't that normal after an almost fatal incident? Back at home she had soon returned to her old self, but some weeks later he had noticed how from day to day she was getting quieter and constantly seemed to be brooding over something. She didn't even get annoyed at him any more when he teased her. It had hurt him a bit at times, that she didn't seem to value his effort at all. All he had wanted to do by annoying her was cheer her up – a kind of paradox idea, which in his world made perfect sense. And now she was giggling into her phone!

There, she'd just done it again! And was she blushing? Who the hell was she talking to? And why wasn't she afraid that Gibbs might come back from his meeting in the new director's office? But since Gibbs had been treating her like a raw egg over the past four weeks, Tony didn't think that Kate would get into any trouble, even if he caught her. But he couldn't blame Gibbs either: Kate had almost died because of him and had spent more than three weeks in hospital because of a gunshot wound. He had to treat her nicely after that, didn't he?

Ha! Third time! And this time, a whispered "Danny, stop it" accompanied the giggle. Danny? So it really was a guy! Kate was meeting someone and he hadn't known about it. He really needed to talk to Abby. It was unacceptable that he got such important information only by overhearing Kate's telephone conversation. Maybe he should go down to the lab now, as long as Gibbs was gone, and try to find out as much as possible about that Danny guy.

"Yeah, me too", Kate chirped into the phone. "Yeah, see you. Bye." She put the phone aside and looked at it with a dreamy smile for some seconds. Then she noticed that Tony was staring at her.

"What DiNozzo?" she asked sharply.

Tony grinned. "Danny?" he asked, making his voice sound high and kind of girly, in a weak attempt to imitate her.

"Yes, Danny", she said matter-of-factly, turning back to her computer and ignoring him like only Kate could. All of Tony's attempts to get more information out of her failed miserably, but he tried again and again, until Gibbs came back and Tony couldn't interrogate her anymore. He really had to go see Abby.

So, as soon as Gibbs let them take their lunch break, Tony rushed down to Abby's lab.

"Who's Danny?" he asked, on entering the lab.

Abby, who had been working with a pipette and a couple of test tubes, stared at him as if he had lost his mind. "Who the hell's Danny?" she asked.

"That's what I'm asking you."

"Yeah, but you must know which Danny you're talking about, since you want to know about him."

"If I knew, I wouldn't have to ask."

"True", Abby acknowledged and put the test tube down.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Danny!"

"Who's Danny?" Abby asked innocently.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Yes." She grinned at him.

Tony sighed and decided to start again. "Kate is seeing someone who makes her giggle when she talks to him on the phone. His name's Danny. I want to know about him."

"Why would I have information you don't have?"

"Because you're Kate's friend and the two of you are always talking about your boyfriends when one of you has one."

"True", Abby said again.

"Go on then, tell me."

"Why would I?"

"Abby!" Tony exclaimed.

"Okay, okay, you don't have to shout." Abby lifted her palms off the table in a gesture of defeat. "He's a young guy Kate met last weekend when we were in a club together. He's cute, he's polite and there's a lot of good chemistry between them."

"How young?" Tony wanted to know.

"I don't know, I haven't asked him."

"Then guess."

"Twenty-seven, twenty-eight?"

"What?" Tony choked.

"What's your problem?" Abby asked. "That's still a lot older than the girls you normally date."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"What's different?"

"Err … it's different when the man is the one who's younger."

"Who says that?"

"What does he do?"

"Huh?"

"His profession?"

"Uh … I think she said he's a fireman."

Tony snorted.

"What now?" Abby sighed. "You've got a problem with firemen?"

"No." Tony shrugged. "I don't know… This is just so… so un-Kate-ish."

"Un-Kate-ish?" Abby chuckled.

When Tony turned to leave to finally get something to eat, Abby shouted after him and he turned around in the doorway.

"You're not going to use any of this against her, are you?" she asked. "Because, since I was the one who told you, it would be my fault."

"Of course not", Tony said in the most convincing tone he was capable of.

He was almost out of earshot when Abby shouted after him again. He poked his head back inside the lab and raised his eyebrows.

"Did she really _giggle_?" Abby asked.

Tony grinned and nodded, then he left.

---

The situation with Kate didn't improve much over the next few days. Her cell phone was bound to ring once every day and then she would drop what she was just doing to talk to fireman Danny. _If I did that, Gibbs would have my head for it_, Tony thought. But he had to admit that Kate was being discrete. She used her lunch or coffee break for her phone calls and she didn't lose a word about her relationship to anyone in the office. Tony only noticed because he was watching her. Kate didn't often date, so of course this new development was interesting. It was also the absolutely first time that in her choice of men, Kate had come so close to the criteria that Tony usually applied on the women he was dating. According to Abby, the guy was good-looking and some years younger. Tony didn't think that Kate was really serious about this guy, and it was intriguing to see how she fell into a pattern she had always reproached him for.

Generally, Tony and Kate's relationship – professional as well as in terms of friendship – had really improved a lot recently. Not that they hadn't been on good terms before, but since Tony had made a habit out of visiting Kate in the hospital every single day of her long stay, they had gotten really close and also spent a reasonable amount of time together outside the office now that she was back at work. That's why Tony had started to worry a bit about her lately. Physically, she had recovered quickly, but mentally a lot of things seemed to bother her. And those problems didn't seem to go away with time. On the contrary, Tony was quite sure that – whatever was bothering her – was getting worse. He had tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn't let him in. Maybe a fling with a fireman was her way of drowning her sorrows. If it helped her cope with the situation, he didn't see a bad thing in it.

And she was definitely better now. He came to that conclusion when he had lunch with her on Thursday. She seemed to be happy. She talked and smiled a lot, and even laughed about some of his weaker jokes. When he asked for advice concerning a young blonde he wanted to impress, she told him he was impossible and that she wanted to change the subject. One week ago she would have just ignored him. Kate not getting angry when he bragged about his latest fling was really something scary. He was glad that she was feeling better now and had returned to shouting at him.

It took Tony half an hour – almost the whole extent of the meal – to get Kate to talk about Danny. He had approached the subject carefully, knowing that when he was too direct she wouldn't want to talk about it. So he did it very carefully, at first flirtatiously, commenting on how often he saw her smile recently, then admitting that he had once overheard her talking on the phone to a man – he thought it was better to admit it right away. Kate was able to put two and two together very well, and if he denied it, she'd only get angry and he wouldn't get his information.

It worked. After Kate had glared at him for some seconds for having overheard her private telephone conversation, she started to talk: "I'm currently seeing someone", she said with a fond smile on her lips. "His name is Danny. He's a fireman here in Washington. I only met him last weekend."

"You think the guy is good for you?" Tony asked in a mock serious, older brother kind of way.

Instead of answering Kate only grinned for some seconds and Tony's eyebrows rose in surprise. How often did you see Kate grin like a ten year old girl who'd just found out that she would be getting a horse for Christmas?

"That good, huh?" he muttered. "Then tell me, how well do you know this guy?" The way he pronounced the phrase made it clear that he was talking about the biblical sense of the word 'know'.

Kate made a disgusted face and threw her napkin at his head. "I only met him last weekend", she hissed. "I'm not that kind of woman."

"I know you aren't", Tony said, and he meant it. Some time ago he would have teased her endlessly with it, but now he didn't. He didn't really feel like it. All he felt was a sense of relief he couldn't really figure out.

"When are you meeting him again?" he asked.

Kate narrowed her eyes, deciding whether to tell him or not, but then she shrugged almost invisibly and said: "Tonight. He's taking me out for dinner."

"Nice", Tony said. "Where's he taking you?"

"I don't know." Kate grinned again. "He wouldn't tell me. Said it was a surprise."

Tony smiled knowingly. "That's a good strategy. Keeps up the suspense. But also dangerous because you have to live up to very high expectations."

"I'm sure he will", Kate said.

Tony stared at her. Then he looked at his watch. "We should get going or Gibbs is going to rip our heads off – mine at least."

Kate smiled faintly and reached for her purse, but Tony cleared his throat and shook his head. "It's my turn to pay", he said.

At first Kate wanted to protest, but then she only smiled at him. "Thank you", she said.

"You're welcome." He grinned. "I can't let that Danny get all the credit for buying you a meal."

This time Kate's smile really lit up her face. "I'll tell him that he has a rival", she said.

"You'd better", Tony said.

That night when Tony was sitting in front of his TV with a beer, he found that he had problems concentrating on the movie. His thoughts kept drifting off all the time. He wondered how Kate's date was going. If it was good, then he really needed to get a look at the guy. Kate was very vulnerable just now, he couldn't let some random guy get close to her without checking him out.

If the date wasn't good, Kate was very likely to fall back into her depressed state. He definitely didn't want that. He hadn't seen her as happy as today in a long time and it had made him realize how much he missed her old, teasing self. He had hoped to get her back to it himself soon by spending time with her and finally breaking through the wall she had built up around whatever was bothering her so much. It bugged him that some young fireman had come along and had managed what Tony hadn't. But what counted in the end was that Kate was feeling better, no matter why.

Tony had gone to bed early, but awoke from a nightmare, sweating and panting at around three in the morning. He crawled out of bed and dragged himself into the bathroom to splash some cold water onto his face. It helped a little. Tony looked into the mirror above the sink and stared at his pale, tousled reflection. He didn't feel good. He hadn't had that dream in over two weeks and had hoped he had finally gotten rid of it. Why had it come back now?

Switching off the light, he returned to his bedroom and sat on the bed. He stared at the red digital numbers of his alarm clock which showed 3:13. He stared at it until the numbers changed to 3:34. Then he stood up and got dressed. He didn't want to go back to sleep so he might as well go to the office. He often worked at night when no one else was there. Then he could surprise the others with the amount of work he had gotten done even though he hadn't seemed to be doing anything at all during the last work day. He smiled when he thought of how angry Kate sometimes got about it because she couldn't understand how he was doing it.

The streets were empty and it hardly took him ten minutes to get to the office. Up in the bullpen the lights were dimmed. Tony liked the atmosphere of the office at night. It was peaceful. The carpet swallowed the sounds of his steps as he walked over to his desk. He stopped at Kate's desk for a moment and looked at her empty chair. After the incident on the rooftop seven weeks ago, the sight of her empty chair at night had started to make him nervous. It made him think about what life would be like if that chair would have stayed empty, if Kate hadn't gotten off that roof alive. It was a scary thought. When he was still in primary school they had learned that fish didn't have lungs but gills. He remembered that he had tried to imagine what it would feel like not to breathe ever again and still be able to live on. That idea had disturbed him. It was the same feeling he now got when he looked at Kate's empty chair.

Turning away from Kate's desk, Tony sat down at his own and started to work.

At seven o'clock he cleaned his desk and left the office to have breakfast somewhere. The others weren't supposed to know that he sometimes spent his nights at the office – he had a reputation to keep up.

On his way back to the office he stopped to get a Caf-Pow for Abby. He thought it would be a good idea to have something to bribe her with in case Kate was refusing to tell him details about her date – which was very likely, as he thought about it more. Back at the HQ he went straight down to the lab. Of course, Abby wouldn't know anything yet, it was too early, but he wanted her to think that he was bringing her a Caf-Pow without secret agenda.

When he had almost reached the open door to the lab, he overheard a piece of conversation that was being held inside and he immediately stopped and hid next to the door so he couldn't be seen.

"He was being such a gentleman", Kate had just said. "He opened each and every door for me and gave me compliments all evening. And he looked so hot!" She had added that last bit in a low voice, but Tony was still able to hear her – they must be standing close to the door.

"And the restaurant was good?"

"Perfect", Kate sighed. "Romantic, but not too elegant… candlelight and soft music. I had no idea young men were so romantic nowadays."

"Me neither", Abby said enviously. "But what happened? How did the evening end?"

"He drove me home, walked me to my door… said that he would like to meet me again…" Kate was drawing out the moment. Tony could almost see her face in front of him, her eyes beaming and her cheeks slightly blushed.

"What then?" Abby asked excitedly.

"Then we kissed."

One of Abby's excited shrieks was what followed. "How was it?" she gasped.

"Perfect", Kate sighed. "He's a brilliant kisser. He made my knees go weak."

"Aw!"

"And then he said goodnight", Kate continued. "He didn't try to push me or anything. He's so sweet!"

"Yes he is!"

Tony grunted. Seemed like today the conversational standards were junior high school level.

"Abby, I have to go now", Kate finally said. "I'm already late."

At this, Tony hurried to get away as quickly as possible. He didn't wait for the elevator, but sprinted up the stairs. He threw the Caf-Pow away before he entered the bullpen. He'd had enough information for one day, and those drinks were going to be the death of Abby anyway.

Kate came in one minute after he'd sat down behind his desk.

"Morning, Katie!" Tony said. And since he had to keep up the appearances, he added: "How was your hot date?"

Kate smiled her why-would-I-tell-you smile at him and typed her password into her computer.

"Does that mean it was that good or that bad?" Tony asked. He didn't even want to get her to talk, but if he just left it, she would get suspicious.

When Kate looked over to him, their gazes locked for a few seconds. Finally she smiled a kind of dreamy, a tiny bit timid smile. "Very good", she said.

"What was good?" asked Gibbs, who walked past them and sat down at his desk.

"M-my coffee", Kate stuttered.

"That's good to know", Gibbs said, in an almost friendly way.

Tony stared at him. Seriously, Gibbs' behaviour towards Kate was getting eerie.

In the course of the morning they were called to a crime scene in West Virginia, and – as always – they had to leave immediately after Gibbs got the phone call. Inside the elevator Tony watched as Kate typed a short message into her cell phone and he got a glimpse at it when they left the elevator again: 'Can't make it 2 lunch. Got a case. Call u tomorrow.'

"Did you have another date today?" Tony asked. They had stayed some steps behind Gibbs on the way to the car.

"Tony!" Kate exclaimed, putting her cell phone away. "Did you just read the message I typed?"

"Uh … well … I didn't mean to. But the elevator is small and I looked in your direction, so …"

"Oh, stop it!" she said. "How often did I tell you to keep your nose out of my business!"

"You don't have to get so loud because of it", Tony complained. "What am I supposed to do when you don't give me the tiniest bit of information? Curiosity is part of my job, you know?"

"That curiosity is not supposed to spread into my private life!" Kate replied.

"But I'm your colleague… and your friend", Tony said defensively. "I consider it as a part of my duty to convince myself that the people in your life are good people. I want to make sure that this Danny is okay."

Within seconds, Kate's expression softened. "That's kind of sweet of you", she admitted. "But I'm a big girl, you know? I can take care of these things myself."

Tony wanted to reply when he was interrupted by Gibbs' barking: "Tony, Kate, will you get your asses over here!" He had to postpone the rest of the conversation for later. Kate might consider the subject closed, but he still had some things to say and she wouldn't get away that easily.

By five o'clock that afternoon, Ducky's autopsy confirmed the suspicion they all had since the moment they had entered the crime scene: it was a case of suicide. They would still have to investigate it in detail, but not even Gibbs thought this time they would find any evidence that a crime had been committed.

So they were allowed to leave at 6 p.m. and Gibbs even told them that they only had to come in on Saturday if he called them in the morning.

Tony stepped next to Kate while she was waiting for the elevator. She looked at him and smiled. Tony smiled back. "Any plans for the evening?" he asked.

"No", Kate replied, shaking her head.

The doors of the elevator opened and Tony let Kate step in first, before following her.

"Why not?" he wanted to know, trying to sound casual because he knew she wouldn't answer if she suspected he was trying to tease her.

Kate cast a side glance at him that looked slightly suspicious, but she answered anyway: "Danny is on late shift this weekend. We wanted to meet for lunch today, but as you know I didn't have time."

"I'm sorry", Tony said. He looked at Kate and she looked back at him questioningly. Then the elevator reached the ground floor and the doors opened.

"So you're free for dinner?" Tony asked, again letting Kate go first.

Outside the elevator she waited for him and smiled. "Why?" she asked.

Tony gave her a duh-look. "Because I'd like to have dinner with you?" he helped her.

Kate gave him a scandalous look in return. "Tony, it's a Friday night! Do you want to tell me that you haven't made any plans?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Tony said: "Having dinner with you sounds like a plan to me."

At that, Kate gave him a radiant smile and nodded. "I'd like to have dinner with you. But I'd prefer to go to one of our places instead of a restaurant – if you don't mind."

"Not at all. My place or yours?"

"Mine", Kate said.

"Okay. But I'm not watching one of your movies."

"And I'm not watching anything with aliens or zombies in it."

"Fine."

"Fine." Kate grinned at him.

By now they had reached the parking lot. "I'll drive behind you", Tony said and waved at her before walking over to his car.

They got separated on the streets, but Tony knew exactly how to get to Kate's place. He had been there plenty of times over the past weeks. At first because he had wanted to check on her and help her with the things she wasn't allowed to do as long as her wound hadn't healed properly, then because he had gotten so used to her company and at spending time at her place that for him it was just natural to visit her at one or two evenings in the week. She also came to his place sometimes, but not as often.

Kate was waiting for him in front of the building and smiled when he joined her on the sidewalk. They went into the building and climbed the two flights of stairs to Kate's floor. Inside her apartment, Tony helped her out of her jacket and hung it up next to his on the rack.

"I think there might be some leftovers in the fridge", Kate said, walking into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and looked at its contents. "Yeah, there's leftover Chinese and some pasta sauce."

"Is the Chinese with tofu?"

Kate took out one of the cartons and looked into it. "Yes."

"Then I'll take the pasta", Tony said.

Kate grinned and took the pot with the sauce out of the fridge. Then she bent down to get another pot out of a cupboard to cook some noodles in it. But Tony took it out of her hands.

"I'll do it", he said. "You warm up your Chinese."

Without arguing Kate left him with his cooking and instead went to pour herself a glass of water.

"What do you want to drink?" she asked.

"What do you think?" Tony asked, grinning at her.

Kate smiled and got a bottle of beer out of the fridge. She didn't like beer and had never had any at home, but recently she had started to always stock her fridge with at least two bottles.

"Thank you", Tony said, taking the bottle from her after he had switched on the stove. Before drinking he clicked his bottle to her glass of water. "Cheers", he said.

While Kate put her Chinese into the microwave, Tony put the noodles into the boiling water and placed the sieve inside the sink. Then he sat on the counter and waited while Kate excused herself to go and change into something more comfortable. Tony watched her walk into her bedroom and smiled. He really liked spending time at her place, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. They even were past the point where you felt you constantly had to keep up some kind of conversation. If they felt like it, they talked – quite a lot, usually – but if they didn't want to they also felt comfortable in silence.

When the microwave beeped, Tony took Kate's food out and put it on a plate. His noodles were also cooked by now and he poured the sauce over them. Kate returned to the kitchen wearing a light green cotton sweater and an old pair of blue jeans that Tony liked a lot on her. He found that she looked a lot younger wearing such casual clothes.

"Oh, you already prepared everything", Kate noticed, walking over to him, and casually touched his arm when she reached his side.

Tony smiled at her. "If you take the drinks, I'll carry the plates out."

"Sure."

They usually ate at the dining table out in the living room. Sometimes, when they were eating pizza, for example, they just sat on the couch and ate from the coffee table while watching TV, but since they had already agreed that they wouldn't agree on a movie today, Kate simply turned on the stereo and they sat at the dining table like civilised people.

"Don't you have one last doctor's appointment next week?" Tony asked because the thought had just come to him.

Like always when she was reminded of her wound, Kate lifted her right hand to her left shoulder and touched the spot where Tony knew a circular scar was hidden under her sweater. The bullet had entered her body at the shoulder right under the point where her collar bone met the shoulder joint – where the Kevlar vest offered no more protection. The bullet had come from the side at a slightly downward angle so that it had entered her lung and had made it partly collapse.

"Monday", Kate said. "But it's merely a routine. My shoulder is completely healed."

"I know." After the first day at hospital during which Kate had literally fought for her life, she had healed at an amazing speed.

"Maybe Gibbs will start acting normal again when you get the doctor's verification that you're okay", Tony said. "I'm starting to feel really pissed that I am the only one who still gets death glares and head slaps."

"You are not the only one. What about McGee?"

"Let's reformulate: I'm the only one who gets head slaps and death glares without reason."

Kate chuckled.

They ate in silence for a minute or two, then Tony asked: "Where's this Danny from?"

Kate raised her eyebrows. "Never giving up, huh?"

"I already told you, I'm not asking out of curiosity, but out of concern for you."

"Yeah, the same concern that makes you put super glue on McGee's chair to make sure he doesn't fall off it, right?"

"Very funny!" Tony pouted. "Kate, I'm hurt that you don't trust my intentions. I'm starting to feel that there's something wrong with this guy that you don't want me to find out."

"There's nothing wrong with him", she replied with a sigh. "But I really like him and I don't want you to use my boyfriend for your jokes."

"Boyfriend?" Tony echoed. "After only one date?"

"After one very good date", Kate added. "I'm not seeing anyone else, he isn't either, why can't I call him my boyfriend?"

"'course you can", Tony said, muffling his words with a mouth full of pasta. When he had swallowed, he asked: "So if he's your boyfriend – and you want him to be for more than a couple of days – then I guess you'll introduce him to me some day."

"Maybe."

"So if you're not intending to hide him from anyone, why wouldn't you answer my questions?"

Kate sighed defeatedly. "Fine. Go ahead then."

"Where is he from?"

"Washington, born and raised."

"How old is he?"

"Twenty-seven… What?"

"Nothing. That's just younger than I expected. I didn't think you would date somebody who's younger than you."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. You're often talking about maturity and experience …"

"Danny is a lot more mature than some other men I know – older men."

"Was that a hint?"

Kate gave him her most innocent look. "Why? Sound familiar?"

Tony grunted and Kate grinned.

"Where did you meet him?" Tony continued.

"At a club I went to with Abby last weekend."

"Which club?"

"Why?"

"The clubs a person goes to tell you a lot about the person."

"I was there, too."

"Abby's choice or yours?"

"Mine."

"Then it's okay."

"What?"

"It's okay", Tony repeated.

"Does that mean that a club I would choose is nothing anyone might worry about?"

"The truth? I would take my six year old niece to the clubs you choose."

"You have no niece, you're an only child."

"Doesn't make it less true."

Kate glared at him. Tony ignored it. "When you went out yesterday, did he open doors for you?"

"Yes. He opened doors, pulled out the chair for me, made me compliments and did not stare at my cleavage."

"You sure the guy's straight?"

"Tony!"

"What?"

"I'm not continuing this conversation", Kate said. She took her empty plate and carried it into the kitchen. Tony grinned. Kate was so much fun to tease these days!

When he carried his also empty plate into the kitchen, Kate was pouring herself a glass of red wine. Tony rinsed his plate and put it into the dishwasher, then leaned onto the counter next to Kate.

"What?" she asked.

"Are you angry?"

"Annoyed."

"Don't be."

"Why not? You are annoying."

"I'll stop."

Kate rolled her eyes. "As if you could."

"I'll prove it to you."

"How?"

"I'll let you choose a movie, no matter which, and will watch it with you without complaining."

"You could never."

"Can too!"

"Can't."

"Five bucks say I can."

"Done."

Tony raised one eyebrow. "Choose."

Kate grinned and walked past him into the living room.

"What?" Tony asked, following her. He watched as she ran her right index finger along the rather short line of DVDs on her shelf. When she stopped, he came closer. "Which one is it?"

"Sleepless in Seattle", Kate announced, taking out the DVD and turning around to face Tony. At the sight of her radiant smile, he even forgot to complain.

"Switch the stereo off, would you?" Kate asked while she put the disc into the player.

Tony did as she asked then went to sit on the couch with her. When the movie started to play, Kate turned her head to look at him. "No complaining", she reminded him.

"I wouldn't dare", he assured her. They exchanged a smile. Soon Tony stretched out his arm on the back of the couch, behind Kate's shoulders. She understood the invitation and came closer, resting her head on his shoulder. Tony rubbed his cheek over the top of her head and closed his eyes for a second, breathing her in, then he lifted his head again and squeezed her gently with his arm. Why would he complain? Those five dollars were already his.

* * *

_A/N: More chapters to come. Tell me if you like itso far!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

On Monday morning Tony watched a very cheerful Kate enter the bullpen and take a seat behind her desk.

"Good morning, sunshine," he said with a grin. "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm having a good day, that's all," Kate replied happily. 

"How can you say that it's a good day at eight in the morning?" Tony wanted to know.

"I can," Kate said, still smiling.

Tony frowned. He knew what that kind of smile on a woman's face meant. But before he could ask any questions, Gibbs appeared with a coffee in hand and sat down behind his desk. Damn! He needed information! Even worse, one hour later they had to go out into the field and Tony didn't get a chance to interrogate Kate on her good mood all day. 

When they were finally allowed to leave, it was past 10 p.m. and they all were really exhausted. Tony was quick to grab his things, but on the way out he hesitated and stepped up to Kate's desk, watching Kate put a stack of files into the top drawer of her desk. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows in a silent question.

"What?" Tony asked. "Is it a crime to wait for one's co-worker when leaving the office?"

"No," Kate replied, a little bit wearily, took her purse and stood up. "Let's go."

"So … What did you do this weekend?" Kate asked when they were walking over to the elevators.

"I had a hot date on Saturday," Tony replied, changing into brag-mode. "So I slept in on Sunday."

"Alone?"

"Of course not!" he said in a scandalized tone. 

"Wow, Tony, I'm surprised that it took you a whole day to bring that up."

"Well, I was thinking that since you always tell me not to talk about my girlfriends at the office, I would keep my private affairs to myself. But since you were asking what I did last weekend …"

"Understood. I'll never ask such a question again."

Tony rolled his eyes. The elevator arrived and they both stepped in.

"What did you do this weekend?" Tony now asked.

"I also had a date," Kate replied.

"That's what your good mood is about?" Tony wanted to know.

Kate didn't answer; instead she just kept on smiling. 

"What kind of date was it?" Tony asked.

"A nice one."

"Aw, come on. A little bit more information please!"

"Why would I tell you about my date?" Kate asked with a laugh.

Tony glared at her. "Forget it," he muttered and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"What?" Kate asked, obviously taken aback by his dismissive tone.

At that moment, the elevator reached the ground floor and Tony stepped out with little more than a nod in the general direction of Kate. 

"Tony!" she shouted after him, but he didn't react.

Right before he reached his car, Kate caught up to him and stopped him by putting a hand on his arm. "Tony, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said with a shrug. "I understand that you don't want to talk to me about it. After all, you told me countless times that you don't want me to stick my nose into your private business. But I really thought that after the last weeks we were on a level where you could talk to me about the things happening in your life."

Tony had put slightly more offence in it than he was actually feeling, but what he had said was true in principle. Sometimes Kate was treating him like some kind of intruder - partly, that was for sure, because on a lot of occasions he was still aiming to get her angry with his curious behavior. But they were friends, after all, good friends and he didn't want to be shut out of her life. In addition to that he was dying to hear what had happened last weekend between Kate and fireman Danny. 

Kate was looking at him out of round eyes, so surprised that her jaw had literally dropped. "T-Tony," she stuttered. "I… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry."

"I understand completely," he said, fishing his car keys out of his jacket. "Never mind." And with that he turned towards his car and wanted to unlock the door, but Kate stopped him another time, this time by catching his hand and pulling him towards her. She was standing very closely in front of him now and looked straight up into his face.

"I don't want you to believe that I don't think of you as a friend - of course we are friends, close friends. But sometimes, when you ask questions like that, I still believe that you are trying to find something out that you can use against me later. And I don't want you to make fun of my private life - and now don't tell me you never would!" she added when she saw his outraged expression. "You've teased me far too often to now claim you would never do such a thing."

"Okay," Tony admitted. "Maybe I spied on you once or twice." When Kate stared incredulously at him he only cleared his throat and went on: "But now I know you better. It would be nice to learn things about your life without having to spy. How are we supposed to be friends if you don't trust me?"

"I do trust you," Kate said, her voice silent, and her eyes pleading him to believe her. He had to believe her! 

Tony saw how upset she was because of what he'd said and felt a sting of guilt. "Hey," he said gently, cupping her cheek with his hand. "I didn't mean to make you upset. Please, Kate, smile again."

She really smiled, shaking her head at his method of cheering her up, and when he opened his arms, she stepped into his embrace and buried her face in his shoulder. Tony rested his chin on the top of her head and smiled. He definitely liked being a part of Kate's life - especially when it meant being allowed to hug her whenever he wanted. Perhaps she wouldn't react too friendly to a very free interpretation of the words 'whenever he wanted', but he liked the general idea of it.

Tony thought that maybe the moment had lasted long enough for a friendly gesture and he should let her go, but he liked so much how she fit against his body and into his arms. Holding her like this gave him the rare satisfaction of feeling that he could protect her against everything bad in the world. He often felt the urge to do that recently. He thought that maybe it was due to the feeling of utter helplessness he had experienced when he had held her in his arms on that damn rooftop and had had to watch the life flow out of her in a constant red stream of blood. He never wanted to feel like that again. 

When he finally felt he had to let her go, he rested his hands on her shoulders for a moment and looked at her. It was too late and they were both too tired to ask her to go out for a drink, even though he would have liked to ask her. 

"I will tell you about last weekend," Kate said. "Even though there's not much to tell, really, we just spent a very nice evening."

"And not a very nice night?"

"No," Kate said. "Unlike you, I prefer to get to know a man well before I sleep with him."

"Okay, time to say goodnight," Tony decided because he really didn't want another discussion about his dating habits. "But I want more details tomorrow during lunch break. You're buying, if I remember correctly."

"Okay," Kate agreed. She stepped closer to him again, rose on her tiptoes and kissed Tony on the cheek. "Good night," she said.

One minute later Tony sat in his car, still in the parking lot. Kate had already driven away, but Tony was only sitting in the driver's seat, head leaned against the headrest. He was smiling.

"Where do you want to go for lunch?"

Tony lifted his head to look at Kate. He hadn't heard her come over, but now she was standing in front of his desk, head tilted to the side and a questioning look on her face.

"I've heard more subtle ways of asking someone out," Tony replied with a smile. 

"I didn't take you for a man who'd react to subtlety," Kate said.

"I can be very subtle," Tony said, hurt in his pride. "It's part of my charm."

Kate smiled. "Is it? Would you still consider going to lunch with my humble, unsubtle self?"

"Yes."

"How very kind of you."

"You're welcome."

"So I'm asking you again: where do you wanna go?"

"Wherever you're taking me - since you're buying," he reminded her. "But when there's tofu on the menu I will leave the place instantly."

"I was thinking of Linda's Diner. So I can eat my salad and you can have a burger or whatever unhealthy thing you want to stuff into you."

"Perfect."

It was still in the morning, though, and they could only hope that Gibbs wouldn't come into the office with another case in the next couple of hours. But he didn't and they were allowed to leave for an hour at lunchtime.

They walked to the diner because it wasn't that far away and it would take them longer to find a parking lot than it actually took them to walk there. On their way, Tony already started to ask questions.

"When did you go out with Danny? Saturday?"

"Yes. We had dinner, quite early, because afterwards we went to the cinema."

"What did you watch?"

"_The Defiant Ones_."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, why?"

"That movie is a classic. It's one of my favorites."

"I didn't know the movie before. Danny chose it. But I really liked it."

Tony was surprised. The guy had good taste in movies.

When they reached the restaurant, Tony held the door open for Kate and when she walked past him he placed a hand in the small of her back to lead her inside. They sat down at a table for two and ordered their lunch before Tony took up the conversational thread again.

"So, the date was pretty good, right?" he asked.

"Yes."

"What made it so good?"

"What do you mean?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know. What were the things that you liked so much about it? If that Danny is such a specialist, maybe I can copy some of his moves."

"It's not about certain things," Kate replied, shaking her head. "The date was good because… because I felt really comfortable in Danny's company. He's making me laugh, but he can also talk about serious things. I find him very handsome and I like him as a person. That's why I enjoyed the date." After she'd said that, Kate studied Tony's face. Was that too much information? But he'd said he wanted to know these things.

"So…" Tony said, drawing out the word. "If the date was so damn good, how come you didn't take the next step?"

Kate sighed. "You are hopeless," she said. "Why can't you understand that some people choose to wait with the sex until they're really sure they want to take that step?"

"How can you be really sure about a relationship in general before you've even had sex?"

"That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard you say," Kate said disgustedly. "Seriously, are you that superficial or don't you want to understand what I'm talking about? Tony, maybe that's new to you, but you should know that for most people sex has a lot to do with feelings. You don't sleep with someone until you're really sure that you like the person."

"Kate, I'm not a complete moron. I'm not saying that you shouldn't know the person you have sex with. All I'm saying is that to decide for a relationship before you know if things work between you in the bedroom - that's like buying a house without having been inside before."

"Then you think that not having sex before you get married is stupid?"

Tony pursed his lips, considering her question, then he nodded. "Yes."

Kate nodded faintly, a bit surprised by his answer. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he said. 

"Has there ever been a woman in your life that you had strong feelings for? A woman you would have done anything for and the question was not if you would get her into bed?"

After that Tony stared at her for a long moment, totally at a loss as to what to say. 

"Wait," Kate said after some seconds. "I want to put it differently. Have you ever slept with a woman you loved?"

Tony relaxed. That was a question he could answer: "No."

"Never?" Kate asked, her eyes wide.

Tony shook his head. "At school, I went out with a girl I really liked a lot, but I don't think I loved her."

"Why did you break up?"

"She fell in love with the captain of the football team. Cliché, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry," Kate said. 

"There's no need. I got over it by dating every girl in the cheerleading team within three months."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"I also have a question for you," Tony said.

"I'm listening."

"Did you ever have a one-night-stand? No feelings involved, just sex."

"No," Kate said without a moment's hesitation. 

"Never?" Tony echoed her earlier question.

"No," Kate repeated. 

"Weren't you even tempted, at least once?"

Kate shook her head. "For me there is absolutely no point in sleeping with someone you don't have feelings for - I don't say it has to be love, but at least a very strong affection. Maybe you can't understand that because you never slept with a woman you loved. The first time this happens to you changes everything."

"Who was the guy?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're definitely thinking of someone in particular when you're talking about that first time. Who was it?"

Kate looked at Tony for some seconds, definitely hesitant to answer his question, and he held her gaze the whole time. But then Kate shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Not now. This conversation is already personal enough for a simple lunch break."

"Okay," Tony agreed. "Maybe some other time?"

Kate shrugged. "Maybe - if I'm really drunk."

Tony grinned. "We could see to that."

The waitress brought their food and they concentrated on eating for a couple of minutes. Then it was again Tony who broke the silence: "Are you planning on taking the step with Danny?" he asked. 

Kate looked up from her salad and locked her gaze with Tony's. Why wouldn't he let it go? She had already opened her mouth to answer when her cell phone started to ring. Kate fished it out of her purse, looked at the display - and started to grin. She flipped the phone open, bringing it to her ear and answered it with: "Hi, Danny!"

Tony focused on the half eaten burger on his plate and tried not to overhear Kate's conversation. It was strange. Curious as he was about that guy and Kate's relationship with him, he couldn't stand hearing her talk to him on the phone. But of course it was impossible not to hear what she was saying when she was sitting two feet away from him. 

"Yes, I'm just having lunch… With a colleague… Yes I did, thank you. What about you?" She giggled. Tony was slowly getting used to that sound. "Yes, I also enjoyed the evening a lot.… Of course I'd like to repeat it.… Oh, I see. But maybe we could have breakfast together… Yes? … Okay, perfect… Yeah, you too… Okay, see you tomorrow. Bye."

She flipped the phone closed and smiled at it. Tony looked up from his plate. "So?"

Kate raised her eyebrows in question.

"Are you planning on taking the next step with Danny?" Tony repeated his question. He didn't have to ask, he knew the answer, but still he needed to hear it from her.

Kate slowly started to smile. She looked down at her cell phone as if she could see Danny there. When she looked back at Tony, her smile had turned into a wide grin. "Yes," she said. "I do."

Tony spent the rest of the day thinking about Kate's relationship. Maybe he had been wrong in the beginning. When he had heard that Kate was dating a twenty-seven year old guy, he had thought that she couldn't be very serious about it and only wanted some fun. The conversation he had had with her today had made him rethink his position. Kate definitely was not looking for a meaningless fling, she wanted a real relationship. Was that such a surprise? Kate had always been looking for Mr. Right. She had had dates; he knew that from pieces of conversations between her and Abby that he had overheard. But most of those dates had turned out to be disasters. Her dates with Danny weren't disasters, on the contrary. She had been really happy since she had started dating him. And that was a good thing. Kate really earned some happiness. But he really needed to see that guy at least once. He had to make sure that Kate wasn't blinded by a handsome exterior and didn't notice that the guy had a bad personality. And God help him if he hurt her!

The next day, Kate was late for work. Tony knew that she was having breakfast with Danny and wasn't surprised that she seemed to have forgotten about the time. The problem was that at eight o'clock Gibbs appeared and announced that they had a new case. Then he frowned.

"Where's Kate?" he barked.

"Not here yet, boss," Tony replied. He studied Gibbs' expression - the senior agent was not pleased. Had Kate finally used up all her bonus points? Could it have to do with the fact that yesterday the doctor had finally confirmed that Kate had completely recovered from her wound?

Gibbs was already dialing her number on his cell phone. "Kate!" he bellowed. "Where the hell are you?" He was silent for a moment as he listened to her answer. "Get your ass over here! We're leaving in ten minutes. If you're not here by then, you can go home again because then you're fired!" With that he hung up and started telling Tony and McGee which files to pull from the system. 

When Gibbs had sat down behind his desk to make another phone call, Tony and McGee exchanged a look. Kate's time of preservation had definitely just ended.

She arrived five minutes later with a very guilty look on her face. But Tony still noticed the small glint in her eyes. When they all walked over to the elevator, Tony took her arm and pulled her closer to him to whisper into her ear: "I hope the breakfast was worth the trouble it got you in."

Kate looked at him with a cheeky smile on her lips. "It definitely was," she said. But it hadn't been the breakfast itself, more what had happened after it. Danny had walked her to her car, which was parked in the small parking lot behind the coffee shop they had been to. He had looked so cute with the sun shining on his dark hair and reflecting in his green eyes. He had said something sweet that Kate couldn't quite remember right now, but suddenly she had been kissing him - passionately. Danny had leaned on the fender of the car and had pulled Kate to him, kissing her with an intensity that had made her head spin - still did, actually. She didn't know how long they had been standing there, all she knew was that when they had left the restaurant she'd still had enough time to get to work, and when she had looked at her watch the next time she had already been late. But it had been worth it.

All day long the smile didn't vanish from Kate's face. Not even Gibbs' rather rude treatment managed to wipe it off. What had happened this morning? Tony was dying from curiosity, but he didn't manage to get Kate alone to ask her. And the case proved so difficult to solve that they had to stay late at the office and when they were finally allowed to leave, McGee rode down in the elevator with them. 

The investigation continued the minute they got back to work the next day. They had suspects to interrogate and evidence to evaluate. Of course they got the culprit. It was the victim's wife. She had killed her husband because his colleague with whom she was having an affair had promised her she'd get half of the money he got from smuggling weapons. They had both been arrested.

Kate was out of the office by six o'clock. Tony hadn't finished his report by then and had to stay half an hour longer. When he had finally left the office and sat in his car, he thought about what to do this evening. It was an easy decision. He had wanted to talk to Kate for two days and now they both had a free evening. So he left the parking lot and drove to Kate's apartment building, intending on spending the evening together with her on her couch. Maybe he could talk her into watching a sad movie. Sad movies always made her snuggle up to him.

The door of her apartment building was open and Tony entered without ringing first. When he knocked on Kate's door he didn't even have to wait for five seconds before Kate opened the door, smiling brightly. But when she saw him, the smile faded immediately. "Tony, what are you doing here?" she asked rather impolitely. 

"What kind of a greeting is that supposed to be?" Tony asked, stepping past her into the apartment. 

Kate caught him by the wrist and stopped him. "I'm sorry Tony, but to be honest, I was expecting someone else. You can't stay, I have a date."

"A date?" Tony asked intelligently. And now he noticed what Kate was wearing: a beautiful, dark blue shirt that showed a lot of cleavage and pronounced the curves of her body, and a skirt made of an airy flowing material that played around her thighs at the tiniest movement. She had applied lipstick and eye-liner that made her pretty eyes still darker and even more intense. 

For some seconds Tony did nothing but stare at her. She looked…hot! Not attractive or pretty - well that too - but the only word that really seemed to fit here was 'hot'. He hadn't seen her dressed up like this in ages and now she had done it to impress another man. Tony was surprised at how much that thought stung in his chest. 

"You were expecting Danny?" he asked, just to say anything and not stand there like an idiot.

Kate nodded. "And he could be here any minute. I'm sorry, but could you leave? It would be so awkward if another man was here when he arrives." The thought seemed to make her really nervous. 

Slowly and reluctantly, Tony nodded. "I should have called first," he said. 

"Yeah," Kate muttered. Her eyes were locked on his, but Tony felt uncomfortable and didn't hold her gaze. 

"Where is he taking you?" he wanted to know.

"Nowhere," Kate said. "We're staying here."

"Oh," was all that Tony could force past his lips. They were staying at home. And Kate was dressed to kill. It was obvious where this evening would lead. 

"So you decided to try it," he stated.

Kate smiled faintly and only nodded. "Tony," she said, sounding uneasy. "He's soon going to be here. Could you …?"

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry." He went to the door and reached for the doorknob, but then he hesitated and turned around to face Kate again. She looked at him, in a strange way, he thought, but he couldn't figure out what it was he saw in her eyes. 

"Tony?" she asked. "What is it?"

"Nothing," he said. "I … I just …"

A knock on the door interrupted him. Kate jumped visibly at the sound, but then she straightened and went to open the door. Tony was standing in an angle behind her that hid him from the visitor, so he stepped around Kate in order not to make the situation more awkward by trying to hide from Danny. 

The young man on the other side of the door, who had been smiling at Kate, stared at Tony as soon as he came into sight. Tony also stared. He had expected Danny to be handsome, but hadn't expected to meet young Mr. James Bond. Tony didn't consider himself an expert when it came to judging other men's looks, but that guy definitely had model qualities. He had black hair and green eyes, a combination that tended to make every woman sigh when she saw it. He was also tall and well built and his face was that of a male perfume model. 

Kate was the first of the three who found back to her power of speech. "Danny, please come in," she said. "This is Tony, my colleague, he was just about to leave, but now I get a chance to introduce you." She even managed a convincing smile. 

Danny now stepped forward, the smile returning to his face, and Tony hated the fact that even the guy's teeth were perfect. Tony knew he would soon have to move in order to leave the apartment, but he was like frozen in place. When Danny held out his hand, Tony only stared at it for some seconds, not sure what to do. What if he grabbed the guy by his leather jacket and threw him out the door? What if he asked Kate to throw him out? His eyes wandered back over to Kate and the amazing outfit she was wearing. He experienced a very vivid image of himself yanking that top over her head. He closed his eyes. _She didn't put these clothes on for you_, a mocking voice inside his head said. 

Tony was brought out of his paralysis when Danny spoke to him: "Hi! I think Kate has already told me about you. I'm glad to meet you." He was still holding his hand out to Tony.

And now Tony took it. "I've also heard a lot about you," he said. "I didn't mean to get in the way of your date. I only brought Kate her PDA - she forgot it at the office." 

"Yes," Kate said quickly. "Thanks again."

Tony forced a smile onto his lips, stepped past Danny and opened the door. "Good night," he said, only shortly looking back over his shoulder before he left the apartment and shut the door behind him. 

When the door was closed, Danny turned to face Kate and smiled at her. "Hi again," he said, stepping closer so that he was standing mere inches from her. Kate placed her hands on his shoulders and slowly let them wander to the nape of his neck. "Hi," she whispered and their lips met in a lingering kiss.

Danny wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer, at the same moment breaking out of the kiss to look at her face. "You're very beautiful," he told her and his face took on the soft expression Kate had come to like so much. Danny was a good man. He may be young, but it rarely showed because he was a very responsible and intelligent person. His touch was gentle. And his eyes were full of affection whenever he looked at her. Kate had longed for a man who'd look at her like that for such a long time. He was not a womanizer - strange enough for a man with his looks. She felt safe when she was with him. Safe that he wouldn't cheat on her. Safe that his intentions were serious. Tony didn't trust him, she knew that. But that was because Tony had difficulty understanding that a man could be content with only one woman in his life. Tony wouldn't change. Kate had spent so much time with him during the last weeks and in that time four different women had been in his life - and his bed. He hadn't made a secret out of it - he had bragged about it like he always had. He wouldn't change. 

Tony lay on the couch in his dark living room. The only light was coming from the TV, but he wasn't watching the screen and had turned down the volume. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. One hand was dangling over the armrest of the couch over his head; the other was resting on his stomach. There was a nasty bruise on his knuckles and the pain in his hand pulsed in time with his heart. In front of the couch a couple of magazines lay scattered across the floor. They had been sent flying off the coffee table when Tony had thrown it over. On the white wall next to the front door there was a small red pattern, imitating the outline of his fist. The wall itself didn't show the tiniest dent or scratch. This fact had made Tony so angry that he had kicked it several times with his foot, but he had lost the fight. 

After some minutes he turned the volume on the TV back up and turned to look at the screen. But the images on the screen couldn't erase the movie that was playing inside his head. A movie in which Kate was playing the main actress. But the role of the actor was not his. The more Tony tried to shut out the images, the more vivid they got. He saw Kate's fingers fist in black hair. Hands on her body. Lips on hers. Another man holding her, loving her. 

With a frustrated scream Tony jumped up from the couch and smashed the remote control against the opposite wall, where it burst into a dozen pieces.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks to all the people who reviewed (and made very creative suggestions on how to get rid of Danny - the poor guy)!_

_Beta: MWSATDKT_

**Chapter 3**

Abby jumped up from her chair when Kate entered the lab on Thursday morning. "Tell me, tell me!" the lab tech shouted.

Kate broke into a grin. Abby returned it. "So it was good?" she asked.

"He's definitely the sweetest man I've ever known," Kate said, sinking down on one of the office chairs.

"Did he stay over?" Abby wanted to know.

Kate nodded. "He made me breakfast."

"Aw!" Abby rolled her chair in front of Kate's and sat down on it. "I want details," she said, making Kate blush slightly.

"He was gentle," Kate said hesitantly, but then she smiled and added, "The first time." She winked and Abby started to grin. "And believe it or not, he is even better looking without clothes on."

Both women giggled.

"I'm glad that it was so good for you," Abby said. Her gaze rested on Kate until the other woman raised her eyebrows in question and Abby cleared her throat. "Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Sure," Kate said.

"You know, I'm happy for you and all, but … it's just that some weeks ago you were down here and told me …"

"I know," Kate interrupted her. "I know. But I also told you that I wouldn't act on it. And some days later I got to know Danny. Maybe it was supposed to be. I think it's better that way."

"Really?"

Kate nodded. "But something strange happened yesterday."

"What?"

"Tony didn't know that I had a date and he came to my place right before Danny arrived."

Abby covered her mouth with one hand. "What did he want?"

"I don't know, actually. I guess he just wanted to hang out."

"Did they meet?"

"Tony was just about to leave when Danny knocked. I introduced them, of course. It was a strange situation. Danny was very surprised at first, but when I told him that Tony is my colleague, everything was alright. Tony was weird, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. He was so… At first he only stared at Danny. Then he stared at me and he had that look… I wasn't sure what he was going to do."

"What did he do?"

"After some seconds he shook Danny's hand. Then he left."

"Why's that so weird?"

"It isn't. But there was something…" She sighed and didn't finish the sentence. "I don't know. And I really should get into the office now. Gibbs has returned to his old self."

--

Tony had spent the night at the office again. He had had another nightmare that had woken him around 2 a.m. It had been the same dream as usual, but more intense this time. It had left him pretty shaken up. He had been glad to get out of the apartment.

When he saw Kate step out of the elevator at five to eight, he focused on the file in front of him and didn't look at her when she walked to her desk. He didn't want to look at her. He knew that he would be able to read everything about last night in her face and he didn't want to see it. So he only muttered something that sounded like "good morning" and pretended to be deeply concentrated.

Gibbs arrived soon afterwards and worked behind his desk for half an hour. Then he said that he had a conference call in MTAC and left.

Tony knew that such a call would take him at least half an hour and he used the possibility to leave the office.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"Restroom," he said and kept walking. But he didn't go to the toilet; instead he took the stairs down to the lab. He wasn't even sure what he wanted there, but he definitely needed a friendly face right now.

"Hey, Abby!" he greeted on entering the lab.

Abby was working on a computer simulation. She looked at him over her shoulder and smiled. "Hi Tony, is Gibbs in MTAC?"

Tony grinned. "You know me too well. What are you doing?"

"Simulating the damage a car would take in the accident that the investigators reconstructed."

"I see," Tony muttered. He looked around the lab for something that would help him pass the time, but he didn't see anything.

"Tony, what's the matter?" Abby asked. "Are you okay?"

"Didn't sleep well," he replied. "Nightmares."

"What about?"

"I can't remember," he lied.

"Ah, those can be the worst," Abby sighed. She typed some words and watched as the car on the screen was hit by a truck. "I heard you got to know Kate's boyfriend," she said all of a sudden.

Tony jumped. "Yeah," he said. "How do you know? Was she already here today?"

Abby nodded. "Do you like him?"

"We hardly exchanged a word," Tony replied. "That's not enough to say if I like him."

"What's your general impression?"

"I guess he's a nice guy." Tony lifted up a sealed evidence bag that had a bloody piece of paper in it. He put it down again and took another bag with a brown leaf. "Do you think Kate is really serious with that Danny?"

"I'd say yes," Abby replied truthfully.

"I never thought that she was looking for a guy like him."

Abby raised her eyebrows. "No. Why would a woman look for a handsome, polite, intelligent, loving man? It's really strange."

"Very funny," Tony growled.

"Tony, what do you want me to say? Kate is happy and I'm happy that she is."

"I also want her to be happy!" Tony said defensively.

"But?"

"Things were good as they were before. She had recovered from the bullet wound, but she was still a little bit shaken. You and I were there to look after her. I don't know if it's such a good thing that she's starting a relationship now."

"Why not?"

"I just explained it. I don't think she's stable enough - emotionally. You and I talked a lot about her depressed state."

"But she's feeling a lot better now."

"Yes, but only because of him. Wouldn't it be better if she had gotten over it herself - with help from us?"

"What would be the difference?" Abby asked, turning away from the screen to face Tony, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Tony, do you want to know what I think? I think you don't want to share Kate with another man. Over the last weeks she spent all her time with you and now that she is seeing someone, you're jealous."

"What? No, I…No! But…"

Abby didn't let him finish. "Every week you come into work and tell everybody who's around about the sex you had during the weekend. I don't even know how many different women I've already heard you talk about. Now Kate for once has a boyfriend that you happen to know about and instead of being happy for her you come down here to complain and to talk badly about him. Is that what a friend is supposed to do? Stop being such a hypocrite and be happy for her!"

Tony was staring at her with his mouth open. Abby had never before told him off like that. What had he done to trigger that?

"I guess I should let you get back to work," he said, backing away a couple of steps.

"That would be nice," Abby said. When Tony was gone, she left the computer and went over to the table on which Bert was sitting. She cuddled the hippo and sighed sadly. Things were not working out as they should.

Three weeks ago, Kate had come down to the office after work. She hadn't looked happy. Abby had offered her a chair, assuming that she was in some kind of physical pain because of her wound. But then the pain turned out not to be physical at all.

"What is it?" Abby asked. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Did Tony tell you about his latest girlfriend?"

Abby thought about it for some seconds then she came up with a name. "Laura?"

"No, Laura was the one from last week. This week it's Julie. She's Laura's best friend."

"I see," Abby said, starting to grin. "Do they know about each other?"

"Actually I think Laura passed him on."

Abby chuckled, but Kate remained dead serious, so Abby put on a straight face again. "Kate? What's wrong?"

"Sometimes I'm wondering what kind of a man Tony is. I mean, who'd want to lead a life like that? Change from one girlfriend to the next within days? Not even knowing their second names?"

"But we've known that about Tony for a long time. He's always been like that."

"Yeah, but when is he going to grow up? I mean, he's getting older, like all of us, isn't he? He has to grow up at some point, doesn't he?"

"I'm not sure," Abby admitted, suppressing a grin.

Kate dropped her gaze to the floor and stared at nothing for a long moment. When she started to speak, her voice was very quiet: "Tony was the first person I saw when I woke up in hospital. I was so scared at first, but he told me it was okay and that he would stay with me. He didn't leave me. And I knew there was someone there who really cared. When I think back to it, that first moment of consciousness seems like the start of a new life for me. I had almost died, but I lived on. And Tony was waiting for me." She paused for some seconds and Abby let her take her time. She didn't dare interrupt her because she felt that something very important was soon going to come.

"How is it possible?" Kate finally asked. "How is it possible that Tony is such a caring and wonderful man, while at the same time he's also so superficial and chauvinistic? I mean, who is he really?"

"Tony is caring and all," Abby said. "But he's totally immature when it comes to his relationships with women. I don't know why."

"Do you think…is it possible that he might change? Could he have a real relationship?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Abby asked carefully. "Kate, are you…?"

"I don't think he could," Kate answered her own question, ignoring Abby's. "I don't think he's mature enough to love a woman."

"I don't know, Kate, seriously." Abby came closer to her and crouched down on the floor in front of Kate's chair. "Kate?" she asked, laying her hands on the other woman's knees. "Do you have feelings for him?"

Kate answered with a silent nod.

"Oh, Kate!" Abby sighed. "You have to tell him. He might have feelings for you too - I think he has. If you tell him, he…"

"I can't," Kate interrupted her. "It's Tony we're talking about. He defines his life through the number of women he slept with."

"But if he has feelings for you…"

"If he has feelings for me, why doesn't he stop sleeping with other women?"

Abby hadn't had an answer to that. She still didn't have one. Kate had stayed at the lab for almost another hour that day and had talked about how much she liked the new friendship she had with Tony and how she wanted to keep it. Abby had tried to convince her to tell Tony, but Kate had refused. She didn't want to act on her feelings. Then she had gotten to know Danny and Abby was sure that at first for Kate he had been nothing more than the opportunity to prove to herself that she could go on. Now he was definitely more. Even Tony had realized that by now.

--

Tony sat behind his desk for the rest of the day. He was sulking. A hypocrite, she had called him. Him! What was she even talking about? He was Kate's friend! The fact that he worried about her mental state and thought that she shouldn't have a new boyfriend just now didn't make him a hypocrite.

But in fact he didn't care so much about Abby's words. He was more worried about his own feelings. Why did it hurt so much to look at Kate while she was doing nothing more than typing away on her computer? Why did the thought of Danny make him clench his fists - making him feel his battered knuckles? He knew what it looked like, he was not dumb and he had seen enough movies in his life to know how to recognize jealousy. But if he was jealous, that would mean that he had feelings for Kate, romantic feelings. And that couldn't be. Right? They were close friends and he liked her a lot, which was why he hated the idea that with her new boyfriend she wouldn't have much time for him in the future. That was all. That was a perfectly valid explanation. Sure, when they were sitting on her couch together and she snuggled up against his side, he got that warm, tingling feeling that made him miss the greatest part of the movie they were watching. And when they were fooling around in her kitchen, splashing each other with droplets from the tub or throwing uncooked noodles at each other, he sometimes wanted to grab and kiss her. And yesterday when he had seen her in that skirt, he had wanted to pin her against a wall. But that was because she was so beautiful and he was only a man after all. It was normal to want to touch a beautiful woman when you were with her. Wasn't it? But then why did he find her seducing even when she was wearing old sweat pants and a worn-out sweater? She had that green sweater that was so wide around the neck that sometimes it slid down over one shoulder. It always made Tony want to slip his hands under it to touch the skin it was hiding from his view.

Tony buried his face in his hands and closed his eyes. He was so screwed! He had feelings for Kate. Kate! The woman who knew more about his dating record than anyone else. Kate, who called him a chauvinist whenever she had a chance to and had threatened to sue him for sexual harassment countless times. Kate, who said that he was too superficial to have a real relationship.

Kate, who had a boyfriend.

Tony almost jumped out of his skin when someone lightly touched his shoulder. He lifted his head and looked directly into Kate's face. She was kneeling beside his chair, worry evident on her features, and her hand was still resting on his shoulder.

"Tony, are you alright?" she asked. "You don't look good."

Tony stared at her, totally dumbstruck. It was the first time he was really looking at her that day. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail, but her fringe fell over her eyes. She was wearing a touch of make up, but not much - she didn't need it. On an impulse, Tony lifted one hand and carefully brushed the hair out of her eyes. They were dark with worry.

"What is it?" she whispered.

Tony smiled at her. "Don't worry," he said. "It's nothing."

"I don't believe you," Kate replied. "You were sitting here with your face in your hands. What's wrong?"

"I'm having difficulty sleeping at night," Tony said. It wasn't even a lie. "I'm tired, that's all."

"Can't you fall asleep or don't you sleep well?" Kate wanted to know.

"Why?" Tony asked, not very eager to keep up the conversation.

"Because there are different reasons why the sleeping cycle can be disturbed. Maybe you should talk to Ducky about it."

Tony almost laughed at that. "Kate, I don't need to see Ducky. I'm having a bad dream that keeps coming, that's why I'm waking up in the night."

"What's the dream about?"

Tony shrugged. "It's just a dream."

"That's not an answer to my question."

"I don't remember the dream after I wake up."

"I see," Kate said. She looked into Tony's eyes, but he dropped his gaze to his hands. Kate sighed. "Listen, what I wanted to ask you," she remembered. "Why did you come to my place yesterday?"

"I wanted to hang out."

"That's what I was thinking," she said with a smile. "I don't know about you, but I don't have any plans for tonight. You wanna come over?"

That wasn't such a good idea. Tony wanted to say no, but then Kate, who was still crouching by his side, laid her hands on his thigh and smiled up at him, and Tony just nodded.

"Good," she said, getting up from the floor. "Then I'll expect you at my place after work."

"Okay," Tony said and wanted to bury his face in his hands again.

--

At seven o'clock that evening, Tony was standing in front of Kate's door and knocked. By now he was really very tired. He had hardly slept for two hours last night and hadn't gotten that much sleep in the nights before either. His nightmare seemed to return as soon as he closed his eyes. He had thought about calling Kate and telling her that he wasn't coming, but he dreaded going home to his apartment, where the emptiness of the rooms seemed to evoke all the memories he was trying to erase.

Kate opened the door, wearing casual clothes: a pair of Nike sweatpants and - the green sweater. Tony's heart sank.

"Come on in!" she said cheerfully.

Tony walked over to the couch and slopped down on it. Kate sat down at his right; her left foot tucked under her right thigh, and looked at him quizzically. "Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"I'm still tired," he answered, not looking directly at her.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Not hungry? Tony, are you sure you're okay?" She said that in such a melodramatic tone that it was clear she was teasing him. When she grinned at him, Tony smiled and relaxed a little. Maybe things didn't have to change between them. They were still the same persons they had been yesterday. And things had been good between them.

"What do you wanna do?" Tony asked her.

"Hang out," she replied and when he rolled his eyes, she stuck her tongue out at him. He made a shocked face and hit her with a cushion. Kate shrieked and retaliated by slapping his arm.

"Ouch!" Tony yelped and pulled a face. "I'm hurt!"

"Aw!" Kate cooed. "I'll call the ambulance."

Tony nodded. "But I want the same nurse you had when you were in hospital!"

"I think she gave up her job, moved to another city and changed her name," Kate said. "You were stalking her."

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were too! One day she asked me how I had managed to work with you for two years without going crazy."

"She didn't say that."

"Yes, she did."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Tony hit her with the cushion again.

The evening went on like this for about an hour until they decided that watching a movie would be healthier for Kate's cushions and they found something they both liked on TV. Tony was careful not to sit too closely next to Kate. He didn't put much distance between them in order not to make it look awkward, but he made sure that he didn't touch her, not even accidentally.

Things worked out well that way and they spent a very enjoyable evening together. Tony was happy to have her for himself for a couple of hours and he didn't mind so much that he couldn't act on the urge to touch her. Being with her was what counted. It made him happy - as long as he didn't think of Danny.

At ten o'clock he decided to go home. Kate walked him to the door and waited until he had put on his jacket.

"Thanks for keeping me company," she said, casually touching his arm with one hand.

Even through the fabric of the jacket, Tony felt her touch like a bolt of electricity. "A-Anytime," he managed to force past his lips.

Kate smiled and stepped closer to him and suddenly her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she hugged him. Kate hugging him to say goodnight was not totally uncommon, but at that moment Tony was so surprised that he stood there like a statue and tried to fight down the urge to grab her and pin her against the door with his body.

When she let go, he smiled stupidly at her and wished her a good night.

"Good night," Kate replied. "I hope you'll sleep better tonight."

"I'm sure I will," Tony said, already half out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_A/N: I decided to update earlier than planned because I got so many lovely reviews for the last chapter and this is my way of saying thank you! I love it how you really comment on different aspects of the story. I hope you like this chapter!_

_Beta: MWSATDKT_

**Chapter 4**

Days passed and Tony tried to act normally around Kate - as normally as possible under the circumstances. Most of the time he was confused about his feelings. Sometimes they told him that he could never be happy as long as Kate didn't break up with Danny and got together with him. He wanted her all for himself - he wanted to be the only man in her life. Then they told him that the friendship he shared with Kate was very special, too special to not be content with it. He was perfectly happy to spend some time with her, make her smile and tease her a little - and be teased by her. What could be better than that?

Quite often he managed to convince himself that things should stay as they were. But it never lasted long. All it took for his conviction to fall down was Kate talking about Danny. She didn't talk about him much - Tony guessed it was because he wasn't asking about him anymore - but when she did and he heard the soft tone of her voice and saw the glint in her eyes, his insides started to burn with jealousy. All he wanted to do then was lock Kate into his apartment and keep the key with him at all times so she couldn't see Danny ever again. Like when he wanted to spend some hours of the afternoon with her on Saturday and she said that she couldn't because she already had plans with Danny. Tony was sulking after that and didn't ask her if she had time on Sunday. But on Sunday evening he felt sorry and he missed her so he called her even though he expected her to be with Danny. She wasn't. They talked for a quarter of an hour on the phone then Tony invited her over to his place and half an hour later she was there and kicked his ass in a game of poker.

The next week was a busy one at NCIS. They caught a murderer and uncovered a case of fraud on Norfolk Naval Base. Tony overheard Kate talking to Danny over the phone a couple of times. She was apologizing because she repeatedly had to stand him up. It was making Tony smile.

When the next weekend was approaching, Tony had seriously started to think about what he was going to do. Should he tell Kate? Should he ask her to break up with Danny and choose him instead? He wanted to. He wanted to tell her, confront her with what he was feeling, show it to her. But what if she didn't return his feelings? Sure, then the insecurity would be over, but Tony thought that he definitely preferred the insecurity to knowing for sure that she didn't want him. Right now, at least he had hope. If he admitted his feelings to her and she said she didn't have feelings for him then all his hope would be destroyed. And it would destroy their friendship. Not because Kate would be angry with him - she wouldn't be. They couldn't be friends afterwards because he couldn't stand being near her anymore. Kate would feel awkward when she knew what he was feeling and wouldn't be able to act normally around him anymore.

Tony came to the conclusion that he had two options. One was not to tell Kate. They would stay friends and he would have her in his life - just not as a lover. The other was to tell her and risk being turned down by her, which would mean he would have lost her for good. But if she said yes, their life would be perfect, he knew it. He would worship her and read every wish she had in her eyes. She would still be his best friend, but he could make love to her every night. Tony often wondered what it would be like with Kate. He often thought about the conversation he'd had with her where she had asked him if he had ever slept with a woman he'd loved, and he had said no. Now he wanted to know if what she had said was true, if it really was different. He imagined it was. He only had to think of what it felt like when Kate touched his arm, let alone hugged him.

At night he lay awake imagining what it would be like to kiss her. He also did it during the day because he couldn't control his daydreams at all. Often, when he returned to reality after his mind had drifted off, he realized that half an hour had passed. Gibbs caught him at least twice a day and often woke him up with a powerful head slap. But his boss couldn't really complain because Tony was doing a great job recently. He always had his reports ready in time and most of his work seemed to be done before noon. Of course, Gibbs didn't know that Tony spent between three and five nights of the week at the office. He still couldn't sleep. He hardly slept more than four hours each night, no matter how tired he was when he went to bed. His nightmare just wouldn't leave him. And Tony definitely preferred being awake and tired, daydreaming of Kate, to sleeping and having the most terrible nightmares. But the lack of sleep was starting to wear him down.

It was a Friday morning when Tony fell asleep at his desk. He had come to the office at 3 a.m. and like usual he had left at seven and returned at eight. At half past eight he was sleeping with his arms crossed on the desk and his head resting on his arms.

Kate saw him and a small smile appeared on her lips. Thank god no-one was there. McGee was down with Abby and Gibbs was at the director's office. So if she woke Tony up now, no one would know that he'd fallen asleep. But she regretted having to wake him. He definitely needed the sleep. One week ago he had first told her that he had difficulty sleeping and since then she had noticed that he looked more and more tired every day. She just wished he would talk to Ducky about it.

Silently Kate got up and walked over to where Tony was peacefully sleeping. She crouched down by his side and looked at his sleeping form. His head was turned to the side so she could see his face. He looked like a little boy when he was sleeping. He was adorable. She really didn't want to wake him, but she couldn't let Gibbs find him like this.

Sighing, Kate wanted to lay a hand on his shoulder to shake him awake, but instead, on an impulse, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Tony," she whispered. "Tony, you have to wake up."

"Mpf," he said.

Kate smiled and stroked his hair. She wished she'd get to wake him up like this more often. She bent closer to his ear and whispered his name again.

When Tony heard her whisper his name and felt her warm breath on his ear - even in half sleep - he was wide awake within an instant. He knew that he was in the office and guessed he must have fallen asleep. And now Kate was by his side. He felt her hand on the back of his head, her delicate fingers cool on his scalp, and he still felt how his skin tickled where her breath had brushed it. If he wasn't only to wake up, but also to fall asleep to this feeling, he was sure he would never have a nightmare again.

He opened his eyes and lifted his head to look at Kate. She smiled at him, but also looked slightly worried.

"Hello, sleepyhead," she greeted him and shook her head in mild criticism. "Have you gone suicidal? If Gibbs had caught you …"

"I know. Thank you," he said.

"Tony? Are you still sleeping so badly at night?"

Tony shrugged and only half nodded.

"Why won't you talk to Ducky?" Kate wanted to know. "Maybe he can give you something that can help you sleep."

"I'm not a fan of sleeping pills."

"But you have to sleep."

"I know. But I'm sure it's only a phase. It will pass."

"It has already been a week. Or more?"

What about two months? Tony thought, but he only nodded.

"Tony, please!" Kate begged.

"Kate," Tony said gently, leaning towards her and putting both hands on her shoulders. "I'm okay." With his movement he had brought his face closer to hers and when she looked him directly in the eyes, he realized just how close they were. Just two more inches and he… No! This was not the right place or time. And he hadn't even decided yet what he would do about his feelings. He mustn't do anything stupid now. But she looked so beautiful with her big eyes, and the worried expression on her face was just so cute…

Tony drew back and sat up straight in his chair. Enough! He smiled at Kate, but shook his head. "I'm fine," he said. "You don't have to worry."

"Okay", Kate muttered, getting up from her crouching position and turning to walk back over to her desk.

But Tony stopped her. "Kate?"

She turned around to face him and cocked her head to the side.

"Thank you," Tony said and watched as Kate broke into a wide smile.

"Are you up for a movie tonight?" he asked.

Kate's smile faded instantly and Tony knew what was going to come.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm having dinner with Danny. What about another day? Tomorrow?"

"Sure," Tony said, not looking at her. He still hadn't gotten used to the feeling of pain that shot through his chest whenever he was reminded of Kate's relationship. He had never known anything like it before. He had always thought that when people said feelings hurt, it was only a metaphor. It obviously wasn't. And it wasn't only the pain. There was this mixture of helplessness and sadness that went along with it that was just as bad.

That night he went to a club and got drunk. He told the bartender about all his problems. The guy nodded in understanding and refilled Tony's glass whenever Tony pointed his finger at it. Around midnight a buxom blonde sat on the stool next to Tony's and tried to engage him into conversation. The bartender noticed that she was more than just a little perplexed when the guy she had obviously thought to be a willing participant in her flirting started talking to her about a woman named Kate and how she was breaking his heart by dating another man. Half an hour later the blonde was gone and Tony wanted another drink, but the barkeeper said he'd had enough and placed a glass of water in front of him.

The next morning Tony had no idea how he had gotten back to his apartment – or why his head was hurting so badly. But he realized that he hadn't woken up during the night and was glad to have escaped the dream for once. The night of sleep hadn't done anything for his exhaustion though, and he guessed that he must have gone to bed really late – or early, whatever the point of view.

He spent the whole Saturday in front of the TV, half waiting for Kate to call and half wanting to call her himself. But he didn't want to call her while Danny was still with her and since he had no idea how long the guy would stay at her place – or Kate at his? – he didn't touch his phone.

Kate called at four in the afternoon and asked him to come over for dinner – she'd cook. So Tony finally got up from the couch and went into the bathroom to take a shower. Great, now he could stop being nervous because he didn't know whether she'd call – and start being nervous because of the evening that was going to come. What should he do? Just spend the evening with her like all the evenings before, trying not to think of Danny and hoping that she wouldn't start talking about him? How long could he go on like this? He was sure, at some point he was going to explode with the sheer need to be close to her – closer than sitting next to her on the couch. And the moment his self-control ended, he would do something stupid, something that would either make Kate angry or make her unhappy. He didn't want her to be either, he wanted her to be happy and he knew with Danny she was.

At half past six he arrived at Kate's place and she answered the door with a cheerful smile on her face. Tony immediately found himself wondering what had happened last night that had caused this smile.

Inside the apartment he noticed the delicious smell and gave Kate an approving look. "What are you cooking?" he wanted to know.

"Chicken curry."

"You know how to make a curry?" He hadn't meant to sound so surprised, he was just…well, surprised.

"Duh, no, I just threw all the ingredients into a pot and cooked it for two hours."

Tony rolled his eyes and followed her into the kitchen, trying not to check her out while walking behind her. She was wearing an old pair of jeans and a grey cotton zipper jacket with a tank top underneath. How could a woman make this outfit look so sexy?

"Tony?"

"Huh?" he grunted when he realized that she had asked him a question.

"I asked if you want a beer."

"Oh, sure, thank you."

She handed him the beer and got herself a can of soda before returning to her cooking. Tony was standing in the middle of the kitchen, feeling awkward. He wondered how often Danny had been in this kitchen with her. And out on the couch. And in her bedroom.

"Tony, are you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah, why?"

"Because you're not hearing a thing I say."

"Oh, sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you'd mind setting the table," she repeated.

"Yeah, uh, I mean, no, I don't mind." He felt Kate's eyes on him while he took the plates out of a cupboard and the silverware from another. He carried it out to the dining table in the living room and took his time arranging the items on it. When he finally returned into the kitchen, Kate was stirring the rice in the large pan. He leaned against the doorjamb and watched her.

"Another five minutes should do", she said and took a sip from her soda before turning to face Tony. Her brows furrowed slightly while she was looking at him.

"What?" he asked against better judgment.

Kate walked over to him and stopped not more than a foot from him. "You look tired," she said.

"You keep telling me that", he sighed.

"Because it's true." She lifted a hand to his face and ran her thumb over his cheek. "You have shadows under your eyes."

"That's what every man over thirty wants to hear," Tony joked, trying to hide how his knees were going weak at her touch.

Kate smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She let her hand fall back to her side and sighed. But she didn't step back and Tony couldn't draw his gaze away from her face. God, how he longed to touch her! It hadn't been a good idea to come here tonight.

"Come on now," Kate said, finally stepping back. "Let's eat."

Over dinner they finally managed to keep up a more or less fluent conversation. Kate talked about Abby's and her plans for a weekend trip and Tony listened, asking a question every now and then, and the rest of the time simply happy that she wasn't going on the trip together with Danny. He was so happy about it that after some time he even started teasing her for the girlish ideas she and Abby had.

When they had finished eating, Kate wanted to carry the dishes back into the kitchen, but Tony took them out of her hands. "You go sit down on the couch. I'll do it."

Kate's jaw dropped. "You want to do the dishes?"

"I was rather thinking about putting them into the dishwasher."

"Yeah, sure, but…still."

Without another word, Tony took the plates from her and carried them into the kitchen. Then he cleared off the rest of the table, filled the leftover rice into a small bowl and rinsed the pan. When he returned into the living room, Kate was watching the news on TV. Tony sat down next to her and stole glances at her out of the corner of his eye.

When the news were over, Kate turned to face Tony and raised her eyebrows. "What?" she asked.

"What what?"

"You were staring at me. Why?"

"I was not staring at you," he said.

"Yes you were!"

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

"Were too!"

"Well, maybe I think that you look good and that's why I was looking at you", he said, efficiently shutting her up.

She stared at him with round eyes and even though she had been the one to receive a compliment, Tony was the one who blushed. "Uh…well…I can say it when it's true, can't I?" he stuttered. "I mean…I wasn't trying to…I was just thinking…And you…I mean…" He shut his mouth and turned back to the screen, acting like he hadn't said anything.

"Sometimes you're really crazy, Tony," Kate said after a moment, leaning back into the cushions.

They both watched the ads for a while, concentrating as if they were watching a documentation. After a while, Tony couldn't stand the awkward feeling any more. He hadn't said anything wrong after all!

"You do, you know?" he said.

"I do what?" Kate asked.

"Look good. You look good. I think you are…very attractive," he forced past his lips, having stopped himself before he could call her 'stunningly beautiful'. "It's normal - isn't it? - to notice when a female friend is attractive? I'm not blind after all."

Kate stared at him, unable to say anything. Then she started to smile – to grin, actually. "Thank you, Tony," she said. "That's very nice of you."

"You're welcome," he said, feeling quite proud of himself for some reason. He also felt some of his self-consciousness fade away. Every single day of the week he was longing to be with her. Now he was as close to her as he could possibly get right now – what kept him from enjoying her company?

"So, what do you want to watch?" he asked, turning to face her and rubbing the palms of his hands against each other.

Kate's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't get that expression if you were talking about my DVDs," she said. "You brought a stack of yours, didn't you?"

"Only one or two," he replied, walking over to the rack next to the door where he had hung up his jacket. He took a CD bag out of it and carried it back over to the couch, handing it to Kate.

She opened it and flipped through the discs. "That must be around 20 movies in there," she moaned.

"How can you complain before you even looked at all the names?" Tony asked.

"Okay then," Kate sighed, going through the DVDs.

"Oh, this one!" she exclaimed, taking one out of its holder.

"Edward Scissorhands?" Tony asked. "I had no idea that you are a Tim Burton fan."

"Who isn't?" she wanted to know.

Tony smiled brightly at her and took the DVD out of her hands. "You're definitely the greatest woman on this planet," he said, getting up to put the disc into the player and therefore not seeing how Kate's face turned into a deep shade of red.

When Tony had sat down on the couch again, Kate shifted closer and leaned her head on his shoulder. At first Tony stiffened, but there was not a chance that he could be sitting on the couch with Kate snuggled up to his side without enjoying it at least a little bit. He soon relaxed and freed the arm Kate was leaning on to put it around her shoulders. Oh, he definitely shouldn't do that – but it felt so good!

Some time into the movie, when the sad parts were getting to Kate, she snuggled still a little bit closer to Tony and finally placed her legs over his lap and leaned her head against his shoulder. After a moment's hesitation, Tony slid an arm around her back. It was okay that his heart was beating a painful rhythm in his chest. It didn't matter that his stomach flipped. And it really wasn't such a problem that his brain started to fog over because he had the familiar scent of her skin in his nostrils. He had self control. It was okay.

Not even trying to concentrate on what was happening on the screen, Tony closed his eyes and was enveloped by the feeling of Kate in his arms. Her hair was tickling the side of his neck. Her light weight leaning against his chest was easing the pain inside away. And she smelled so good! He definitely could stay in this position forever.

--

Tony opened his eyes. He was still sitting on the couch in Kate's apartment, but something was wrong. He scanned his surroundings but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Then he heard a cough. He stood up and looked around, running a hand through his tousled hair. His hand left a wet feeling on his forehead. Surprised, he held his hands in front of his face and let out a muffled scream. His hands were covered in blood! It was running over his fingers, red and thick, and dripping onto the floor.

Kate! Where was Kate? He looked around. Suddenly the walls and the furniture of the apartment were fading away and he was back on the rooftop. Gibbs was there. His boss was standing motionlessly a few feet away and was looking at a spot on the ground behind Tony. Tony spun around. "Kate!" he shouted. She was lying on the ground, blood soaking through her shirt and trickling out of her mouth. Convulsions ran through her body as she tried to breathe but couldn't bring her lungs to work. She coughed violently, spitting out blood.

"Kate!" Tony screamed, crouching down on the ground next to her. He pressed one hand to the wound in her shoulder, trying to stop the flow of blood, but it trickled through his fingers. Her whole body arched up against his hand. She couldn't breath! She needed air! Tony bent over her and covered her mouth with his. He tried to breathe for her, but he couldn't fill her lungs. The taste of blood on his tongue was making him feel sick.

He took Kate's face in his hands, leaving smears of blood on her cheeks, and forced her to look at him. "Stay with me!" he pleaded. "Help is going to come. Just stay with me!" When her eyes closed, he started shouting her name, but she didn't react.

"Kate!" he pleaded - and suddenly he jerked awake.

Hands were touching his face and a silent voice was whispering soothing words to him. He tried to get a sense of orientation back, but it was dark around him and he didn't remember where he was. All he knew was that the voice he was hearing belonged to Kate. She was there, she wasn't dead. He reached for her and found her arms, her shoulders, her face. No blood.

"Kate?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"It's okay," she whispered. "I'm here."

"Kate…" He pulled her to him and buried his face in the crook of her neck, wrapping his arms around her to hold her as close as he could. One of her hands threaded through his hair. She was still talking quietly to him, but Tony was too shaken up to get through to the meaning of her words. He felt her breath on the side of his neck and when he concentrated he could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his body. She was breathing. Alive.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"Don't you remember?" Kate asked tenderly. "We were watching TV, but you fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you, so I let you sleep on the couch. You were having a bad dream."

Tony swallowed and took a deep breath. His nightmare. It was getting more vivid each time. He started confusing dream and reality.

Kate stretched out an arm and switched on the small lamp on the side table, filling the room with a faint warm light. Tony stared at her, drinking in the sight of her unharmed body. He looked at his hands - just to make sure. No blood.

"How late is it?" he wanted to know.

"A quarter past eleven. I hadn't even gone to bed yet. I was in the bathroom when I heard you scream my name."

"Your name…?"

"Yes. Tony, what did you dream? You sounded terribly scared. Was it the same dream that keeps you awake? Why did you scream my name?"

Tony didn't answer. He reached out his right hand and touched her left shoulder. Carefully he pushed the cotton fabric of her sweater aside until it bared her shoulder. The scar was still fresh and pink. He touched it with his fingertips. The skin around it felt delicate and soft.

"Is this it?" Kate asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Is this what you're dreaming about? The rooftop?"

Tony sighed, letting his hand drop into his lap. "You died," he whispered, his voice still shaking.

"No, Tony, I didn't. I'm still here." She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Don't you see?" Kate had no memory of what had happened on the roof. Her memory ended before she had reached the rooftop and the first thing she remembered after that was waking up in hospital and seeing Tony's face.

"You died, Kate. You stopped breathing. Your heart didn't beat anymore. I held you in my arms and told you to breathe, to look at me and breathe for me, but you didn't. The doctors brought you back, but before, I thought…"

Kate crawled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him. Tony held on to her for dear life, afraid that he'd lose her if he ever let her go. He had felt what it would mean to lose her. He couldn't go through that again.

"It's okay," Kate whispered into his ear. "Don't be afraid. I'm still here. And I won't go anywhere." She drew back slightly to look at him. She was so close that he could feel her breath on his face. Her eyes locked on his and suddenly he was lost. One of his hands wandered up to her neck and with the tiniest bit of pressure he pulled her to him, catching her lips with his.

Kate tasted sweeter than anything he had ever known. Her lips were so soft and warm, proving to him that she was alive and breathing. He brushed his tongue over them, exploring more of their taste and texture, gently asking for entrance, which she granted him. Tony's brain fogged over when they deepened the kiss. He found himself in a world that consisted only of sensations and emotion. It filled him out completely, burning in his veins and pulsing in his chest.

But he was violently ripped out of it when Kate broke out of the kiss.

"What is it?" he asked tenderly, cupping her cheek with one hand.

Kate gently pushed his hand down and got off his lap to sit next to him on the couch. "Tony, I don't think we should do this," she said silently. "It's not right. I…I can't do it."

"Because of Danny?" Tony asked, unable to hide the pain in his voice.

"Yes, because of Danny, but also…it's…I…"

"What?"

"I don't think you and I would work out well," Kate admitted. "I think it would end badly."

"You don't know that," Tony said immediately. "You don't know if it would work. And talking about - who says that with Danny it's going to work?"

"Nobody," Kate said. "But Danny is different."

"Different from me?" Tony asked.

Kate nodded.

"I understand", Tony said, standing up. "So you don't think I'm serious?"

"Do you even know it yourself?" Kate asked bitterly. "Would you even be here if it wasn't for the fact that I am seeing someone? How can I be sure that you're not mistaking simple jealousy for something else?" She got up and walked around the couch, away from him. "Little boys get jealous when somebody else touches their toy - and suddenly that particular toy is the dearest they have in the world. But when the other person is gone, the toy is soon forgotten."

Tony stared at her. "I'm not thinking of you as a toy!" he exclaimed.

"No, Tony, but the situation is the same."

Tony wanted to argue, but he didn't. What she was saying had some truth in it. It really had needed Danny to come along to make him realize how important Kate was to him. Those feelings had been there before, but he hadn't recognized them for what they were. But that was because he was a moron, not because what he was feeling was not true!

"What can I do?" he asked. "What can I do to make you believe me?"

"You can start by thinking about what you really want."

"I know what I want," he said, not taking his gaze away from her. "And I know what I'm feeling. Those past weeks, Kate, I…I think I'm going crazy." Suddenly he didn't care anymore what she might think of him. He had held this back for too long, he needed to say it, say it now or it would eat him up. "You're all I think about, Kate. I can't get you out of my head. And the thought that you're with another man drives me crazy. Please, I know I'm asking a lot, but I swear I'm serious. I want to be with you."

Kate rubbed her forehead with the palm of her right hand. How could she get through this and keep her heart from breaking? Tony was finally saying the words she had so longed to hear from him. But it was Tony who was saying them. Not that she didn't believe his feelings were true. She did. But she was sure that Tony didn't have an idea if he could really live in a committed relationship. He might want to try it, but it would mean that she had to be his guinea pig. But still he was Tony and she was in love with him.

But in Danny she had finally found a man who knew what he wanted in life and knew how to make her a part of it. And no matter how she was feeling about Tony, Danny managed to make her happy. There was no guarantee that her relationship with Danny would hold, but she knew that he didn't have the power to hurt her like Tony could. The decision she now had to make was one between a secure relationship with Danny, who would make her happy and wouldn't hurt her - or a certain time of bliss together with Tony. She knew things between her and Tony would be more intense than anything she had ever experienced. But the fall that would come afterwards would be so deep. It would break her into pieces.

It was too dangerous. But still, her body was screaming to get back into Tony's arms. How was she supposed to make this decision?

"I can't think like this," Kate moaned, pressing her hands against her temples.

"Kate?" Tony asked worriedly.

"No, please, stop!" she begged. "Please leave, leave me alone. I need to think."

"Okay," Tony said, somehow relieved that she wasn't saying no to him in the first place. "I will leave."

"Thank you," she sighed.

"You haven't heard my condition yet."

"There's a condition?" she asked.

Tony nodded seriously. Slowly, he walked around the couch until he was standing in front of Kate. "I want one more kiss," he said. "Otherwise I'm not leaving."

"That's blackmail!" Kate complained.

"No, it's only fair," he replied. "Danny got a lot more from you."

"You're such a pig!" Kate shouted and slapped his arm. But Tony ignored her outbreak. Instead, he took her by the shoulders, bent down and kissed her passionately on the lips. Her resistance only lasted half a second, then she collapsed against his body and kissed him back. It was as intense as the first time, maybe even more because this time he was prepared for how it would feel and could relish each single moment. But it overwhelmed him just like the first time had.

By the time they ended the kiss, they were both panting. Kate's hands were clutching at the front of his shirt and his arms around her back were still holding her tightly to him. After some seconds, Tony kissed her forehead and ran a hand over her hair. Reluctantly he let her go.

"I promised I'd leave," he said, as if to remind himself.

Kate only nodded. She watched as Tony walked to the door and looked back at her, their gazes locking for a short moment. Suddenly, Kate didn't want him to leave anymore. But the words to stop him didn't get past her lips and she watched in silence how he walked through the door.

--

Tony should have been terribly upset because Kate had asked him to leave. She hadn't decided for him – she had asked for some time to think about it. He should have been upset. But while he was riding down in the elevator, there was only one thought in his mind: Kate had been right. It feels different to kiss someone you love.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but this chapter was extremely difficult to write. I'm very happy with it, though. Hope you like. (And just so you know: the story is not finished yet.)_

_Beta: Myself! Sorry for everything I overlooked._

**Chapter 5**

Abby sat down next to Kate on her couch, dying from curiosity. Kate had called her this Sunday morning and had asked her to come over because something had happened. And Abby, curious and a bit worried, had left her apartment immediately to go and meet her best friend. Said best friend was now sitting on her couch, wringing her hands and looking very unhappy.

"Tony was here yesterday," Kate finally began. "He's not sleeping well recently - did you know that?"

"He mentioned something about nightmares," Abby recalled and raised her eyebrows when Kate looked at her in a very strange way.

"I was worried," Kate continued. "I thought maybe I could convince him to talk to Ducky. But he didn't want to."

"It would be a good idea to…"

"I invited him over for dinner yesterday."

Abby blinked twice, realizing that Kate was concentrating too much on telling her story to be able to listen to anything she said. So she decided to be quiet and listen.

"He was behaving in a very strange way at first. He didn't hear a thing I said to him, he seemed to be deep in thought. But then it passed and he returned to his usual self - I should have noticed that something was wrong when he offered to do the dishes." Kate sighed, shaking her head.

"Then we were teasing each other and suddenly he said I was pretty…no, 'attractive' was the word he used. He said he thought I was very attractive - and then he blushed. I thought that maybe it was the exhaustion talking and didn't take him seriously. Then we watched a movie. But at some point I realized that he had fallen asleep. He had been so tired all the time and I was glad that now he would be getting some rest, so I let him sleep. He had been sleeping for an hour - I was in the bathroom - when I heard him scream my name. He scared the living daylight out of me! I rushed into the living room to see what was wrong and found him still asleep, obviously having a nightmare."

Abby covered her mouth with a hand. Poor Tony!

"I managed to wake him," Kate continued. "And then he hugged me. He held me so tightly and he was shaking all over. I was terribly worried. And then I found out what he had been dreaming about - the same dream that's keeping him awake every night. He's reliving the scene on the rooftop."

"When you were shot?" Abby gasped.

Kate nodded. "He was almost crying when he told me that my heart stopped beating up there. I tried to comfort him, but then he…suddenly…"

"What?"

"He kissed me," Kate whispered. "And not just like that - he really kissed me!"

"Oh, Kate!"

Kate bit her bottom lip and shook her head helplessly. "At first I kissed him back, but then…I got scared, Abby. I mean, it…it felt so fantastic, but I was so afraid that it only happened on the spur of the moment and that he didn't really mean it. So I told him that we had to stop."

"What did he do?"

"He got upset. He said he wanted to be with me. He said I was all he's thinking about. I didn't know what to do. I needed to think about it, so I asked him to leave."

"And did he?"

"Yes, but first he kissed me again."

"What?" Abby exclaimed, not believing what she was hearing.

"And then he left," Kate said very quietly. "Oh, Abby, I don't know what to do now! I want to say yes to him, I want to be with Tony, but I'm so scared. Tony says he's serious, but how can he be sure? He's Tony! He doesn't even know what the word 'serious' means, for heaven's sake!"

Kate was talking herself into a rage, but Abby didn't interrupt her. Those feelings had to get out.

"I'm so scared that he only wants me because he doesn't want to share me with Danny. What if I break up with Danny and Tony suddenly loses interest? And even if he doesn't - can you imagine Tony in a serious relationship? He has no idea how to lead a relationship, what if he suddenly realizes he doesn't like it? I don't want to be another of his flings - I can't be."

"Can I ask you something?" Abby asked when Kate didn't continue. Kate nodded.

"What about Danny? I mean, you say you want to be with Tony. But you are with Danny. Do you even want to be with Danny?"

"I like Danny - a lot. And I enjoy being with him. But I don't feel for him what I feel for Tony."

"Kate," Abby said gently, shifting closer to her and placing a hand on her arm. "You want Tony. And Tony wants you. I think the only logic thing you can do is risk it."

"You don't understand," Kate said desperately. "I don't want to be alone anymore. I almost died two months ago and I survived only to go back into a life that I'm leading alone. Then I got to know Danny. He's fun and he's wonderful and he's so fond of me. He could make me very happy, Abby, I know it. If I break up with him now and choose Tony instead, that's it. Danny won't just take me back if after some weeks or months Tony gets bored and dumps me. And then I will be alone again because I didn't value what I had."

"Does this mean you're not even considering the possibility that with Tony it could be forever?" Abby asked in surprise

Kate bit her bottom lip and shrugged, unsure of what to answer. But at the same time she was blinking back tears. "I don't know," she admitted. "I don't know if a man like Tony could live with only one woman in his life. But do you want to hear the most pathetic thing of all? Even though it's very likely that Tony will break my heart, I still want to choose Tony. I want to know what it's like."

"What it's like?"

Kate smiled at her, a tiny bit timidly. "What it's like to truly love someone," she explained. "After all, what I wanted weeks ago was to start a new life - make some changes. What could change a life more than that?"

"Kate, everything you're saying sounds like you've already made your decision," Abby said.

Kate stared at her for some seconds before dropping her gaze to the floor. "I don't know," she whispered. "Abby, I don't know what to do."

She sounded so unhappy that Abby immediately pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry this is so hard for you," she said. "But I think that you are wrong."

"About what?"

"About Tony. He may be immature and a skirt chaser, but I don't think that he's unable to change. And he's not dumb. He knows that by saying what he said to you yesterday he made a promise. And Tony doesn't break his promises."

"You can't promise such a thing as love," Kate said defensively, but at the same time Abby's words let her hope.

"What are you going to do now?" Abby asked.

"Danny is going to come over tonight," Kate sighed. "And I have no idea what to tell him. I mean, I can't spend the night with him…it's…I can't."

"He's going to wonder what's wrong."

"I know."

Abby put an arm around Kate's shoulders. She didn't envy her friend for the decision she had to make.

--

Kate felt like sitting on needles while she was waiting for Danny to come. During the day she hadn't gotten one single step closer to a decision. She still didn't know whether to tell Danny or to not say anything. But she couldn't lie to him. And not saying anything at all would be just as bad as lying. She couldn't act like nothing had happened while her heart was not into it; she would be cheating on Tony and on Danny at the same time. How the hell had her love life gotten so complicated within mere 24 hours?

At half past six Danny arrived. Kate buzzed him up and waited by her door until he knocked. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself for the conversation that was about to come, she opened the door. When she saw Danny's smiling face, her heart sank. He didn't have any idea that since he'd last seen her Kate's life had been turned upside down.

"Hello, beautiful," he said with his most charming smile, stepped up to her, wrapped an arm around the small of her back and kissed her before Kate could react.

"Hi," Kate said uneasily, taking a step back so that he had to let her go. "How was your weekend?" she asked in order to overcome her nervousness.

"Good," he said. "But lonely. I missed you." He came closer to her, but Kate stepped away before his hands could reach for her again.

"What do you want to drink?" she asked quickly, already on her way into the kitchen.

"Nothing, I'm good," he said, sounding a little confused.

Kate stopped and turned around, grinning stupidly.

"How was your weekend?" Danny now wanted to know.

Kate had the feeling that his green eyes were boring into hers. "It was okay," she said, not sounding very convincing even to her own ears. She cleared her throat before pointing at the couch. "Don't you want to sit down?"

Giving her a strange look, Danny went over to the couch and sat down, looking at her expectantly and obviously waiting for her to join him. Kate slowly walked over to him and sat down, but far enough away to not touch him. When Danny reached out a hand to stroke a strand of hair out of her face, Kate caught his hand before it reached her and placed it on the couch between them, holding it in hers.

"Danny, we need to talk," she said, her voice calm and collected - or so she hoped.

"Oh-oh," Danny muttered, turning so he was facing her. "Do we have a problem?" he asked.

"No…uh…yes…I mean…you don't…I do…or maybe…yeah." She took a deep breath, trying to bring some order into the chaos that currently was her brain.

"Kate?" Danny said gently, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "Just tell me what's wrong."

Kate looked into his face and suddenly felt tears in her eyes. It was so unfair! Why couldn't he be the man she loved? She liked him such a lot and being with him was so uncomplicated. Why couldn't love be easy only once?

"There's something I need to tell you," she said quietly, not looking directly at him.

"I'm listening."

Kate sighed. He was so understanding and patient. Couldn't he be mean or arrogant, so it would be easier for her?

"Before we met," she started slowly. "There was this guy I had feelings for. We never were together - I figured it would be best not to act on my feelings. And then I got to know you and I was fine. Danny, I'm really happy with you."

"I am too," he assured her, reaching for her other hand and holding them both in his lap.

Kate smiled sadly at him. "You're going to hate me," she sighed.

Danny didn't say anything, just continued looking at her.

"I still have feelings for this other guy," Kate admitted. "But I never thought anything would happen with him because he's not the kind of guy…he's not…I don't know." She shook her head, sighing deeply. "Yesterday he told me that he has feelings for me," she finally said. "He knows that you and I are together, but he said he wants to be with me."

"Did you…?" Danny swallowed thickly. "What did you do?"

"I told him I needed time to think about it," Kate said in a whisper. She hated how weak her voice was sounding.

"Have you already come to a decision?" Danny wanted to know. He still didn't seem to be angry or jealous. But he sounded sad.

Kate shook her head. "I don't know what I should do," she admitted. "But I had to tell you because I didn't want to be unfaithful. And I guess now that I told you you're going to leave anyway, so…"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"What?" Kate asked in surprise.

Danny shrugged. "You said you had feelings for this guy before you met me. I could understand it if you choose him now."

"It's not only…there's more to it than…" Kate sighed, frustrated by her inability to talk coherently. "I don't know if I should be together with him, you see? I always had the choice to tell him about my feelings, but I never did. And I still don't know if I should act on it now. I like you, Danny."

After that it was silent between them for a long time. Kate could see that Danny was thinking about what she had just told him.

It was Danny who finally broke the silence, "I don't want to be nothing more than a replacement for another man," he said. "If you really have feelings for him then I think you should be together with him. I don't want to share you, Kate."

Kate wanted to say something, but he stopped her by placing his right index finger across her lips.

"I'm not finished yet," he told her, and took a deep breath. "I don't want to loose you - not if there's a chance that you might choose me and not the other. Kate, if you decide that you don't want to be together with that other man and if you can tell me in the face that your feelings for him won't stand between us - then I still want to be with you."

Kate almost started crying when he said that. It was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. Danny was several years younger than she was, but he was the most mature man she had ever been with. She was such a terrible person!

"Why are you so nice to me?" she asked with a sad smile.

"Because you're the most fascinating woman I've ever known. You're worth any kind of trouble."

Kate bit her bottom lip, feeling even worse than before. "Danny," she whispered. "I don't know what to say…I've been thinking about what to do the whole day, but I still don't know."

"Take your time," he said. "I'll wait. But, Kate?"

"Yes?"

"Don't cheat on me. If you decide for him then tell me, break up with me. I'm not going to be the other man in your life."

"Of course," she said sincerely. "I will tell you."

"Okay," he said silently, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. "I guess I should go now."

"I guess you should."

Feeling awkward, Kate walked him to the door, where he stopped and turned to face her again. He gently laid his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him for a short hug. "Don't make me wait forever," he whispered into her ear before letting her go and leaving her apartment.

Kate closed the door and leaned against it with a deep sigh. She felt terrible. Danny had just proved to her that he really was the perfect man. He hadn't even gotten angry. And he wanted to wait for her. So she had won some time, but it didn't mean that she could take forever for her decision. She still had to find out what she wanted. - No, that wasn't correct. She knew what she wanted. What she needed to find out was if it was the right thing to do.

After some minutes Kate decided to take a bath. She went into the bathroom, turned on the hot water and poured some of her favorite bathing oil into it. She got undressed while she waited for the tube to fill; then she sank into the hot water with a relieved sigh. Her shoulder was still sore sometimes and hot water always made her feel better. Within minutes the warmth spread into her body and eased the tension from her muscles.

While she lay in the bath with closed eyes, her thoughts returned to the events of last night and she tried to figure out how the situation could have escalated like it had. First she'd been so worried about the state Tony had been in directly after he'd woken up from his dream. But when he had pulled her into his arms and had buried his face in the crook of her neck, what she'd been feeling hadn't been mere sympathy. She'd enjoyed being in his arms, pressed to his body, enveloped by the scent she had come to love as being uniquely Tony. Quite often during the past weeks she had taken advantage of their close friendship in order to get in physical contact with him. She had snuggled up to him on her couch countless times, had hugged and kissed him goodbye and when she slapped his arm, it usually wasn't because he'd annoyed her, but because she took every excuse she could get to touch him. Kate nervously chewed on her bottom lip. Now that she thought about it, she realized that she'd really done everything in her power to be close to Tony - even after she'd started dating Danny. So when he'd hugged her yesterday, she'd been happy that it had been him who initiated the contact.

Hearing what his nightmare really was about had been a shock. But it was also touching to know that he still worried so much about her. The experience of almost losing her had shaken him up enough to haunt him even weeks after the incident. Wasn't that proof of how much he cared for her?

Kate couldn't remember how it had come to the first kiss. Everything had happened so fast. But she did remember how it had felt to kiss him. After weeks of secretly craving for him, that kiss had thrown her completely off balance. It had messed with her brain. She'd had to fight down the urge to straddle his lap and rip his clothes off - until reason had gotten the better of her, reminding her that she hadn't stayed away from him for so long for no reason. But breaking out of the kiss had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. And seeing the look on Tony's face when she'd moved away from him had almost broken her heart. She had no idea how she'd gotten through the rest of the conversation without starting to cry. All the time she'd wanted to throw herself into his arms and forget about the world - if only for one night.

When Tony had asked to kiss her again, Kate had almost collapsed. He couldn't possibly, could he? Oh, yes, he could! And that second kiss had been even better than the first one. It had left Kate craving for more. Only thinking of it now caused a burning in her lower abdomen and made goose bumps rise on her arms even in the hot water. She hated to admit it, but Danny had never made her feel this way.

And there was another thing she couldn't deny: she was missing Tony. She always missed him when he wasn't with her, but after being so close to him last night, she was now feeling his absence like a deep hole inside her chest. And she couldn't help wondering if he missed her too. He'd said yesterday that she was all he was thinking about. What kind of thoughts would that be? Was his interest only sexual? Kate feared it might be. She'd never heard Tony talk about a woman in a different context than the sexual one.

Kate moaned in frustration. She knew that it was unfair to be so prejudiced. But working with Tony for over two years had left a very strong impression on her – one not even the past weeks had been able to completely wipe out.

_And still you love him_, she thought cynically. She did.

Why did she have to be a person who listened more to her brain than to her heart? Why couldn't she ever do something she didn't know the consequences of? What about her new life and all the changes she had wanted to make?

When Kate got out of the bath, she immediately felt cold again. She wrapped a towel around her wet hair and another around her body and went into her bedroom to get dressed. The moment she opened her closet, though, her cell phone started to ring and Kate looked around for it, seeing it lying on the bed. She went to pick it up and her heart did a backflip when she saw Tony's name on the display.

"Tony?" she answered it.

"Hi, Kate," he said, and her heart was beating faster at the sound of his voice. She could hear him let out a deep breath.

"I'm glad you're answering your phone," he said, sounding utterly relieved. "I wasn't sure if you'd ever talk to me again."

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked gently.

"Because the way I confronted you yesterday was the worst I could've done. I shouldn't have thrown all these things at you and leave it up to you to deal with it. I…"

"No, Tony, I'm glad you told me."

"You are?" he asked, sounding so hopeful that Kate wished she was with him in that moment so she could kiss him for it.

"Yes. But I also wanted you to know that I could understand if you were too shaken up yesterday – because of your dream and…and…I could understand if you said things you didn't mean."

"No, Kate, I meant it. I meant every word."

"Oh, okay."

"Kate? I'd really like to have another chance to talk to you, now that we both had time to think about what happened yesterday."

"Yeah."

"Can I come over?"

"Tony, I'm not so sure if…maybe tomorrow, I mean…"

"I can't wait until tomorrow, Kate. Please, let me come over. I promise I won't try anything. You can trust me."

"Okay," she gave in. She was longing to see him and she was in desperate need of some clarification.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes," he said, sounding excited.

"Okay," Kate said again. "See you soon."

When they'd ended the call, Kate hurried to get dressed and dry her hair at least a little. When Tony rang her doorbell she was already sitting on her couch, kneading one of the cushions with both hands. She buzzed him up and waited by the door, unpleasantly reminded of how she'd waited for Danny to arrive earlier.

When the knock on her door came, Kate counted to five before opening. Even though she was more nervous than ever before in her life, she smiled at Tony as soon as she saw him – she couldn't do anything about it. He was wearing blue jeans and the grey pullover that brought out the color of his eyes so nicely. His hair was slightly tousled, like it usually was, and it made Kate want to run her hands through it – like it usually did. Her smile was mirrored on his features.

"Come on in," Kate said, still smiling.

Tony stepped over the threshold, but didn't walk over to the couch. He remained standing close to Kate and waited until she'd closed the door and turned to face him.

"Let's sit down," she suggested while all she wanted was to step into his embrace and forget about everything else.

They sat down on the couch, leaving some distance between them.

"Do you want to begin?" Kate asked, a casualness in her voice she wasn't feeling at all.

Tony nodded, but didn't speak immediately. Kate let him take his time and listened intently when he finally started to speak: "I did it wrong," he said, skipping the introduction. "I've been wanting to tell you how I feel, but not like this. Not unprepared and not in the middle of the night. I didn't want it to sound like a spontaneous idea, but I fear that's how it might have come across. And I really shouldn't have kissed you, not without your okay – two times. But somehow I don't manage to feel sorry for it." He smiled tentatively at her.

"I took your words seriously", Kate said. "And I'm not angry because you kissed me."

"You aren't?"

"No."

"Did you like it then?"

"Tony!" Kate said warningly, trying to hide her smile.

Tony chuckled. "Ooh-kay," he said slowly before turning serious again. "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to know what you're thinking - about what I told you yesterday. I mean, I'd say that you weren't appalled, since you just told me that you aren't angry, but … what ARE you thinking?"

"That's a very good question," she sighed. She shifted into a more comfortable position, tucking one leg under her body and leaning against the backrest of the couch.

"I know that I'm bringing you in an impossible situation," Tony added without giving her a chance to speak first. "We are friends and there's something special between us that I wouldn't want to risk, no way. And I understand that it still has to be difficult for you to think of me as more than a friend, but I'm sure that with time you'll see that there could be so much more between us that…"

"Tony," Kate interrupted him. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay?"

"You told me about your feelings and I think it's only fair if I do the same." She was quiet for a moment to take a deep breath. Should she really do this? Weeks ago she had sworn to herself that she would never ever tell him about it. But under the circumstances it would be totally unfair to keep it from him. She didn't want to have secrets from him.

"I have feelings for you," she admitted, keeping her gaze down on her hands. "I've had them for a while now. But I never told you because…because…"

"Kate?"

"I was scared," she whispered. "I didn't know what you were feeling and…and…" She swallowed and started again: "I didn't think you'd want a relationship - because that's what I want, a relationship. Not a fling that doesn't mean anything. I don't want us to be friends with benefits, I…" She couldn't go on and decided to be quiet and wait how he'd react.

But at first he didn't react at all. When Kate looked at him, he was staring at a random spot on the coffee table, his face completely blank.

"Tony?" she said carefully. "I really need you to say something now."

Then he looked at her and Kate was more than surprised to see that he was looking angry now.

"Do you think all I want is a fling?" he asked. "Do you think I'd ask you to break up with your boyfriend if I didn't intend to stay with you? What kind of man do you think I am?"

"One who has never had a serious relationship in his life," Kate answered quietly, without looking at him. When she did look up, she saw that now there was only one feeling obvious on his face: pain.

"You don't trust me, do you?" he asked.

"That's not it," Kate tried to explain. "I know that you'd never lie to me. I know that you meant what you said yesterday. But I'm not so sure if you know the difference between wanting to be with someone - and simply wanting someone."

"You think all I want is sex?" Tony exclaimed, suddenly standing up from the couch and taking a few steps away from her. He started pacing the living room and Kate watched him worriedly.

"Tony," Kate said quietly. "Tony, come here please." She held out her hand to him and waited until he slowly walked over to her, took her hand and sat down next to her again.

"I do believe you," Kate said after some seconds. "I know that you are serious. But I'm still afraid."

"Of what?" Tony asked.

Kate bit her bottom lip, trying to find words that would express what she was feeling - what she was afraid of. Situations like these always were so easy in movies. The characters would put everything into the most poetic words and the other understood completely. She didn't know how to do it - and she knew that Tony didn't either.

"I think it would be so difficult," she finally admitted quietly. "Every time I think of us together, I think of all the things that could go wrong. I know we'd be happy, extremely happy, but I can't help imagining how badly it could all end. And how much it would hurt."

"But…why?"

"We're so different, Tony. Our attitudes towards relationships - hell, our attitudes towards everything! But I know that opposites attract and I can feel that it would be intense between us, but…but…I think that…I'm afraid that…if we really try it, we might really hurt each other." Kate closed her eyes so she didn't have to look at him. There, she'd said it. She hadn't even known she had it in her, but now it was out.

"But do you ever know if a relationship works out in the end?" Tony wanted to know. "Why are you so afraid of this?"

"Because with you it's different," Kate replied, before she could stop herself. Damn! She hadn't wanted to go into that territory.

Tony didn't react at first, he just stared at her and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Why are you scared of a relationship with me, but with Danny it's no problem?" he finally wanted to know, sounding very disappointed. "I'm different - what does that even mean? Am I not as trustworthy as the other guys out there?"

Kate shook her head, fighting to control her voice when she whispered: "That's not it." She could feel Tony staring intently at her, but she didn't look into his eyes. It was easier that way. "Other men have left me," she started to explain. "Or I left them. A break-up always leaves you upset, but you get over it. But…" She sighed and her gaze found his. "I don't think I could take it if you and I didn't work out. It would hurt too much."

After that, Tony was speechless. He was still staring at her, but didn't look upset or angry anymore. He looked like a man whose world had just been turned upside down. Very slowly, he shifted closer to her and carefully, as if waiting for her protest, which didn't come, he put an arm around her back and pulled her to him. Kate rested her head on his shoulder and when he started to stroke her hair, she closed her eyes and started to relax. Who was she trying to fool? However scared she might be, she also knew that no person in the world made her feel as save as Tony. She was far beyond the point of no return with him, she could only go forward.

She was just about to lift her head and say something when their moment was interrupted by a knock on her door. Why was that damn front door of the apartment building always open?

Kate lifted her head to stare at the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" Tony asked her.

Kate shook her head.

"Danny?" Tony suggested.

"I talked to Danny earlier - about what happened yesterday."

"You did?" Tony asked in surprise.

Kate got up to walk to the door, but at that moment the person outside started to talk:

"Kate, it's me, Danny. Please, open the door. There's something I still need to say."

Kate looked back to Tony, but he only returned her gaze and shrugged. So she went to the door and opened it, but she didn't make room for Danny to enter. She knew as long as Tony stayed on the couch he would be hidden from Danny's view.

Danny smiled when he saw her. "I'm sorry, Kate, I know I told you I'd wait," he began. "But I realized that what I said earlier - I couldn't leave it like that."

"What do you mean?"

"I said the decision was yours to make. I said I wouldn't interfere. But I realized that I can't just stand back and wait. You are too important to me, Kate. I don't want to lose you."

"Danny …"

"No, I know, this is not easy for you. But please, just think of the time we had together. Didn't it mean anything to you?"

"Danny…" Kate started again. He didn't interrupt her this time, but she didn't know how to continue, so she stayed quiet.

Danny smiled at her. "Will you let me in?" he asked. "We need to talk about it."

"This is not the best time, Danny, I…"

"Wait", he said, his voice suddenly wary. "Is he here? Is the guy in your apartment now?"

With a deep sigh, Kate opened the door further and stepped aside so Danny could see Tony, who had been sitting on the couch all the time, but was standing up now.

"He?" Danny asked. "Your colleague? And you didn't even wait for two hours after you told me - promised me! - that you wouldn't do anything without talking to me first?" He sounded so hurt that Kate started to feel terrible, even though she hadn't done anything.

"Danny, Tony and I were talking - like you and I were talking earlier. Nothing happened."

"It's true," Tony said. "Kate isn't a person who cheats on others."

"I wasn't talking to you!" Danny snapped, staring at Tony angrily.

"You mind your tone!" Tony said warningly, approaching the door.

Kate quickly took some steps towards Tony to push him back to the couch again, but by leaving the doorway she made room for Danny to enter, which he did.

"When did you decide that now you want Kate for yourself?" Danny asked, ignoring Kate's hand on his arm and coming to stand directly in front of Tony. Kate backed away a couple of steps, watching them nervously. They were almost exactly the same height and now they were trying to stare each other down.

"I've known Kate for more than two years," Tony replied coldly. "We've been through hell together - she belongs with me."

"That's what I meant," Danny replied. "You've known her for years, but now that she's together with me - and happy - you finally decide that you have feelings for her. You didn't want her before! Why are you trying to take her away from me now?"

"It's enough!" Kate shouted, but the two men didn't even hear her.

"My feelings for Kate don't have to concern you!" Tony said angrily. "Didn't your mother teach you not to stick your nose into adults' business?"

That was too much for Danny, who now grabbed Tony by the collar of his shirt and shouted: "You wanna go outside and see which one of us can stand his ground like an adult?"

"Yeah, actually I do!" Tony replied, his face turning red with anger.

"No!" Kate said loudly, her chest tight with fear. "Please, stop it! I don't want anyone to get hurt."

At her words Danny seemed to get back to his senses. He let go of Tony and looked at Kate, placing a hand on her shoulder and stroking down her upper arm. "Kate, I…" he began, but Tony grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him away from Kate, so violently that Danny tumbled backwards and almost tripped over the coffee table. He regained his balance and stared furiously back at Tony.

"Tony!" Kate exclaimed. "Have you gone insane? Both of you!" She glared at them. "I'm not some kind of trophy you'll get when you win a fight! I'm able to make my own decisions. And right now I don't want to see either of you inside my apartment anymore - so get out!" She shouted those last three words at the top of her voice and both Danny and Tony jumped. They exchanged a look. It was very quiet in the apartment for some seconds; then Danny moved first and slowly walked to the door. With a last look at Kate, Tony followed him and seconds later the two men were standing outside in the corridor and heard Kate lock the door behind them.

"I had no idea she was capable of that," Danny muttered, more to himself than to Tony.

Tony snorted. "Kate? You should have seen her when I had that picture of her at that wet…" But Tony decided that this was not a story he should share with Danny now and didn't finish his sentence.

After some more seconds they both walked down the corridor together and down the stairs.

"I guessed there was something between you when I heard Kate talk about you for the first time," Danny said when they reached the hall.

"Man, I was serious before when I said that Kate didn't cheat on you - she'd never do that," Tony said. It was strange but he wanted Danny to believe it.

"Thank you," Danny muttered. They went outside and stood on the sidewalk next to each other, not sure what to do.

"I'd like you to know something," Danny finally said.

"Okay?"

"I'm really serious with Kate," Danny said earnestly. "I want her in my life. I only wanted to say it in case you're not sure yet about what you want."

"I am," Tony replied. "I love her."

After that Danny was looking at him for a long time. Then he nodded, obviously having come to a conclusion. "She loves you too," he said. "Be good to her. I swear if you don't make her happy I'll come back and kick your ass."

"Understood," Tony said, his voice dead serious.

Then Danny walked away and Tony watched him go. He was seriously considering going home himself because the thought seemed more appealing than having to face Kate, who would still be livid. But he couldn't leave. There were things still unsaid and he wasn't willing to give up so easily. So he entered the building again, pulling the door shut behind him so it was closed this time, and walked up to Kate's floor. He knocked on her door and waited.

A half minute later he knocked again; then he heard footsteps behind the door when Kate approached to look through the peep hole.

"Kate, it's me," Tony said. "Can you let me in?"

"No," she replied curtly.

"Kate, please, there's something I still need to tell you."

"I'm not letting you in after you almost started a fight in here."

"I'm sorry, Kate. But that wasn't really a fight. Danny isn't mad at me. Actually he said that if I…"

The door was opened abruptly and Kate stared out at him. "You talked?" she croaked, unable to believe it.

Tony shrugged. "Yeah. And I guess he's a good guy. He wants you to be happy. He says he wishes us all the best."

"I haven't decided yet if there will be an 'us'," Kate snapped, her stubborn side getting the better of her again.

Tony nodded gravely, knowing that it would be a fatal mistake to smile about her stubbornness. "I know we still need to discuss this," he said. "Will you let me in?"

After staring at him for about ten seconds, she finally stepped back and let him in.

He went to sit on the couch again and Kate soon joined him.

"We were interrupted before," Tony said. "There was something I wanted to say."

"So?"

Tony smiled and lifted a hand to cup her cheek. "Would you look at me, please?"

Sighing theatrically, Kate obliged and looked at him.

"Okay," Tony whispered. "You said you were scared, scared of getting hurt. I am too. But I seriously believe that if there ever was anything in my life worth taking a risk for, it's you. And I swear I will try so hard not to mess up. I might need some help from time to time, but I'm sure I can do it – if you let me."

Kate had been looking at him the whole time. When he finished talking, she slowly started to smile.

"Is that a yes?" Tony asked, a smile of his own appearing on his lips.

Instead of answering she lifted both hands to his shoulders and pulled him to her.

She'd kissed him before and had been surprised by the intensity of it, but it had been nothing compared to what this kiss did to her. Every touch of his hands, every movement of his lips over hers showed her how much he wanted her. It told her not to be afraid. Her chest started feeling too tight. She didn't know how to breathe anymore. But she kissed him just the same, never wanting to lose this feeling again.

When she finally had to break out of the kiss because she feared she might faint from lack of oxygen any moment, she wrapped her arms even more tightly around him and pressed her cheek to his. She had tears in her eyes and her body was shaking, but she was so happy!

Tony pulled her onto his lap and held her even more tightly, feeling that she was close to tears. "Don't cry," he said gently, rubbing her back with his hands. "It's okay, don't cry."

"I know it is," Kate said, her voice weak with tears. She finally lifted her head to look at Tony and he immediately cupped her cheeks with his hands and used his thumbs to wipe her tears away. She turned her face to the side and kissed the palm of his left hand.

She looked into his eyes again and smiled. "I love you," she said.

Tony's face lit up in an adorably sweet smile. He kissed her before touching his forehead to hers. "I love you, too, Kate," he whispered. Stroking her hair, he leaned back on the couch to look at her. "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something else I need to know."

Kate nodded for him to continue, and Tony dropped his gaze before saying quietly: "I need to know if you trust me. I don't want you to be afraid that I might not be serious."

"Tony, I don't …"

"No," he said gently. "What you said before was true. I haven't had a single serious relationship in my life - I know that. And seriously, I don't know what it's like to have a relationship that's not based on sex."

Kate smiled at him, surprised by how very maturely he was acting tonight.

"I want to be with you," he continued. "You are my best friend, Kate. What I'm feeling for you goes way beyond the wish to…make love to you."

Kate's eyes went wide. Had Tony really just used the words 'make love'?

"I believe you, Tony," she told him. "And I do trust you. But I guess we both might need some time with this…with us. I mean, some time before we…"

Tony sent her his trademark grin - he wouldn't have been Tony if her blushing at the mere implication of sex didn't make him grin.

"I think so, too," he said, lifting a hand to stroke her hair. His other hand was lightly resting on her hip and Kate was very aware of how intimate their position was. It actually made reasonable thinking quite difficult.

"But I have a question," he said. "Waiting does not imply that I'm not allowed to kiss you, right?"

"No, that would be just cruel," Kate replied, shaking her head.

"Oh, good!" Tony grinned and caught her lips with his again.

The kiss started out slow and they took their time to deepen it. Tony wanted to learn everything there was to kissing her. He wanted to memorize her taste, the texture of her lips and even the tiniest sound she made. Like the silent gasp that escaped her when he carefully took her bottom lip between his teeth and then used his tongue to soothe the light sting he had caused. It was definitely the sexiest sound he had ever heard.

They broke apart after a very long time, both feeling dizzy and extremely happy.

"I could stay here and kiss you all night," Tony whispered into her hair.

"Hm…okay," Kate said.

"Huh?"

Kate chuckled. "If you don't mind sleeping on the couch, you're very welcome to stay here."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Fluff ahead! Thanks for the great reviews, you're awesome!_

**Chapter 6**

When Kate walked into her kitchen the next morning and saw Tony standing in front of the stove, her belly started to tingle. Tony in her kitchen in the morning was not an entirely new sight, but that had been friend and colleague Tony. Standing in front of her now was boyfriend Tony - and that justified butterflies in the stomach!

They had spent the evening and a part of the night on her couch with a lot of kissing and cuddling. Later he had brought her to bed and had really gone back to the couch after tucking her in. When she'd woken up in bed some minutes ago, she'd feared that the last evening might have been a dream - but there he was, whistling a simple melody while making French Toast in her kitchen.

"Good morning," she said, not leaving the spot next to the door jamb from where she was watching him.

Tony turned to face her and the smile threatened to split his face. He set the package of milk down on the counter and walked over to Kate, slipping an arm around her waist as soon as he reached her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, then another to the tip of her nose before touching her lips with his. With a sigh Kate leaned into him and let herself be consumed by the kiss. She was kissing Tony! Was allowed to kiss him whenever she wanted now!

The kiss that had been supposed to be a light and short 'good morning' stretched out over the amount of ten minutes. When they finally broke apart Kate felt like she needed a shower - a cold one. That Tony needed one had become quite obvious during the last minutes. Hmm … Shower. With Tony.

"Is there a reason why you're grinning like the cat that ate the canary?" Tony asked her.

Kate cleared her throat and managed to reduce her grin to a soft smile. "You made breakfast?" she remarked.

"Yes. And I was planning on eating with you - but that was before you tried to have me for breakfast. Now I'm not sure if I have enough time."

Kate realized that they would have to go to work today - and that Tony couldn't go in the clothes he was wearing now. He was looking good, but his clothes were not office standards, so he would have to go home first.

"You want to leave already?" she asked, pouting and fluttering her eyelashes at him.

Tony grinned, but couldn't quite rip his gaze away from her lips. "Don't want to - have to. But I think there might be time for a piece of toast - a small one."

"That's better," Kate said contentedly. She walked past him to get herself a cup of coffee, running her hand along his arm in the process. "Did you sleep well tonight?" she wanted to know while filling her cup. "No nightmares?"

"Nope. I haven't slept as well in weeks." By now he had stepped behind her and was placing soft kisses on the side of her neck. Kate felt her knees go weak. It was as if she didn't know her body anymore. She had never reacted to a man so intensely. Tony merely needed to brush his fingertips over her arm and her whole body started to burn with the need she felt for him - and she hadn't even slept with him yet. The mere thought of having him in her bed at night and not outside in the living room on the couch was making the blood prickle in her veins. She wondered when exactly her fear had vanished. She had spent the entire past day trying to fight her insecurity and find the courage to be with Tony. Now she wasn't even nervous anymore. She was feeling better than ever before.

When Tony brushed her hair aside and kissed the nape of her neck, Kate had to hold on to the edge of the counter to not just fall to pieces at his feet. Did he even notice what he was doing to her? She could pay him back with the same methods, but then they'd both be late for work - and their resolution to go slow wouldn't be worth much anymore.

"Stop it!" she whispered, the grin evident in her voice.

"No," Tony replied and gently grazed the skin of her shoulder with his teeth. Kate made a silent sound, very close to a whimper, and her grip on the counter tightened.

"Stop it," she tried again, barely able to control her voice.

"Do you really want me to?" Tony asked in a hoarse whisper. One of his hands wandered over her stomach, tracing along the hem of her shirt, then under it, lightly stroking her skin. Kate leaned back against him, closing her eyes and wishing time to stop so she could stay here with him forever.

Tony's hand came to rest on her hip and he used it to turn her around so she was facing him. He kissed her lightly on the lips, then again, a bit less gentle. Kate's arms went around him without a second of hesitation and soon they were totally lost in the kiss again.

When Tony finally managed to step back from her, his head was spinning.

"I have to go," he panted.

Kate nodded and resisted the urge to touch him again. She didn't want Gibbs to kill him for being late.

While Tony was putting on his shoes and jacket, Kate was watching him from a couple of feet away. Then an unpleasant thought crossed her mind.

"Tony, what are we going to do about Gibbs?"

Tony grimaced. "I have no idea," he admitted. "But I guess we're gonna have to tell him."

"How?"

"I don't know. But since he likes you more I think you should do it." He grinned at her.

"Very funny," Kate grunted.

"No, seriously," Tony said. "You saved his life. At least he won't kill you if you tell him."

Kate thought about it for a moment before saying: "I think it should be the two of us who tell him. But we shouldn't do it today. Let's take some time to make a plan."

"Okay," Tony said, sounding relieved.

"But I'm going to tell Abby."

Tony nodded. "She'd never talk to you again if you didn't tell her right away."

Kate smiled at him and stepped closer to give him a quick kiss. With a smile and a light touch of his hand on hers Tony finally turned and left the apartment. When he was gone, Kate counted to ten before she started to sing and dance through the living room.

--

This was the beginning of what seemed to Tony to be the happiest day in his life. After leaving Kate's apartment he went home, showered, put on fresh clothes and went to the office, already dying to see Kate again. He wasn't late, but Kate was already sitting behind her desk when he came in. Gibbs wasn't at his desk, but Tony still didn't dare to touch Kate. So he merely smiled at her and was rewarded with a smile of her own.

He kept himself under control all day, not touching her once, content to look at her and smile at her whenever she looked back at him. She had never been more beautiful than today. But the need to be close to her built up in him all day and the moment they were finally allowed to leave felt like the end of life-long imprisonment. They weren't alone in the elevator and out on the parking lot they couldn't be sure that no-one was watching.

"My place, okay?" Kate whispered to him, not waiting for his response before walking past him and climbing into her car.

Tony drove to her place like in a trance. He was finally going to be alone with her again, have her all to himself! When he climbed out of his car, he could already see her waiting for him in front of her building. He walked up to her and when he reached her, he swept her into his arms and kissed her, feeling almost drunk at her sudden closeness.

Inside the elevator, Tony pushed Kate up against the wall of the car, loving the surprised gasp that escaped her. They got so lost in their kiss that they almost missed their floor.

Then they were inside the apartment, finally alone, free to do whatever they wanted to. Tony looked at Kate, who was still in his arms, her cheeks flushed and her eyes hazy with passion. Seeing her like this, he knew that he could get everything he wanted from her tonight; she wouldn't say no.

And suddenly he realized that he had to get a grip. She had told him yesterday that she wanted to wait. And he had said the same thing. He had seen how afraid she was of getting hurt and he knew that if he ever hurt her, he could never forgive himself. He loved her. And he was going to prove it to her by not doing what he always did.

Slowly letting her go, he helped her out of her jacket, hung it up and turned to face her again. She smiled timidly at him, obviously feeling a bit self-conscious now that he wasn't touching her anymore. Tony smiled at her and placed a hand in the small of her back to lead her into the living room. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Shall we order takeout?"

She nodded.

"Chinese?" he suggested.

"What about Mexican?"

"Good idea."

Kate went into the kitchen to get the menu of their favorite Mexican restaurant. When they had ordered their food, they sat on the couch in silence for a couple of seconds. Tony wasn't entirely sure what to do next. All the things they had used to do together had been things they'd done as friends. The shift in their relationship had taken place not even 24 hours ago, but it felt like that had been in an entirely different life. Tony didn't know if the rules had changed between them. Things felt different now, better mostly, but also unfamiliar.

Tony looked at Kate and she met his gaze. Suddenly they started to smile. Tony leaned back on the couch and put an arm around Kate to pull her to his side. She snuggled up to him, slipped an arm around his waist and leaned her head on his shoulder. At the close contact, Tony felt a pleasant tingling in his stomach and he squeezed her lightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

After a minute or two, Kate extricated herself from his arms and started to stand up from the couch.

"Where are you going?" Tony wanted to know.

"I want to take a shower before the food arrives," she replied.

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"No?"

"No," he repeated. "Sitting here with you is too comfy. I'm not letting you go."

"And how are you planning to hinder me?" she asked, quickly jumping off the couch and laughing when he couldn't catch her.

"Come back!" Tony whined, but when her only response was more laughing, he got up and ran after her. Kate shrieked and fled, but he caught her in the bedroom and wrapped his arms around her waist, pinning her body to his. "Gotcha!" he whispered into her ear.

"Let me go!" she giggled, but Tony shook his head.

"No way."

"You're mean!" she said, pouting.

Tony found she looked lovely doing that and stole a quick kiss, which made her smile.

"I want to take a shower," she said. "I feel all sweaty and sticky."

"Why? You spent the whole day at the office. You didn't have to run after any suspects."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I always take a shower when I come home from work. It's a matter of hygiene. If I didn't, I'd start to smell and I don't think you'd like that."

Tony raised his eyebrows, thinking for a moment; then he bent his head and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck before breathing in the scent of her skin. "In my opinion you smell wonderful," he said.

"Aw!" Kate smiled at him.

"Are you coming back on the couch with me now?"

"No."

"Okay," Tony sighed. "Then I guess I'll have to go under the shower with you. Come on!" He took her hand and tried to pull her in the direction of the bathroom, but Kate wouldn't budge.

"Tony!" she said warningly.

"Huh?" He acted like he had no idea what was wrong.

Kate laughed and lightly slapped his arm before gently but determinedly throwing him out of the bedroom. She ignored the fact that her cheeks were burning and her heart was racing because of the thought he had evoked.

Tony walked back into the living room and sat on the couch again, grinning happily. It was a wonderful feeling that even after the things that had changed between them they could still tease each other like before - or even better than before because now their banter seemed just bound to end with kissing and he definitely liked that a lot.

When Kate returned, wearing her favorite pair of jeans and a red tank top, Tony had already set the table and was opening the boxes with food that had arrived five minutes ago. Kate stepped next to him and kissed him on the cheek. She hadn't washed her hair; it was still dry and pulled back into a ponytail, but she smelled of lavender soap and clean laundry.

"So?" Kate asked with a smile when she noticed that he was breathing her in again.

Tony grinned and cupped her chin with his right hand to pull her close for a gentle kiss. "I like it," he whispered before letting her go. "Dinner's ready."

They sat close together during the meal, feeding each other forkfuls of their dishes. They both felt lightheaded and lighthearted, even though they hadn't had a droplet of alcohol. Being able to spend time with each other like this, like they'd used to and yet so different, felt fantastic.

After dinner they sat down on the couch together and Tony asked if Kate wanted to watch a movie. Kate lifted a hand to his face and stroked his cheek, slowly shifting closer to him. "Later," she whispered, bringing her lips so close to his that he could feel the breath of the word brush over his skin.

The kiss was slow and burning, almost painful. Tony couldn't remember ever having been kissed like this, but with Kate it just came naturally. And even though it was torturous, it was also a mind-blowing experience.

Tony's hands were resting on Kate's hips, but soon he couldn't resist the urge to let them wander under her shirt to touch the soft skin of her back. He could feel that it made her shiver when he ran his fingertips up her spine. Suddenly Kate changed her position and straddled his lap without breaking out of the kiss. When her arms went around his neck and he could feel her body press up against his, he was sure that he was going to die from wanting her too much. They had to stop or he would go crazy.

"Kate," he whispered against her lips, gently cupping her cheeks with his hands to keep her from kissing him again. "We wanted to go slow here, remember?" he asked.

The expression in her eyes almost made him change his mind, but he didn't give in. After a moment, Kate closed her eyes and nodded, contently letting herself be pulled into a tight embrace.

"Are you up for a movie now?" he wanted to know, trying to make his voice sound steady.

"My choice?"

Tony sighed dramatically, but nodded and let her choose the movie.

They sat on the couch to watch it, Kate's legs placed over Tony's lap and her head resting on his shoulder. He had wrapped one arm around her back and the other around her knees, using his hand to lightly stroke her thigh. This light movement of his hand was enough for Kate to completely forget about the movie. She spent most of the hour and a half with her eyes closed, listening to Tony's breathing.

When the movie was over, Tony squeezed Kate gently before preparing to get up from the couch.

"What are you doing?" she wanted to know.

"I'm going home, Kate," he said with a smile on his face.

Oh! Kate had forgotten about that point. They weren't sleeping with each other yet, so it was only logic that they didn't stay at each other's apartments overnight. Last night had been an exception. But she didn't want him to go.

"You could stay a little bit longer," she suggested, holding on to his hand to keep him from standing up.

Tony smiled and kissed her on the lips, but he shook his head. "I'm leaving," he said. "But I'd like to go out with you tomorrow evening. Will you come to dinner with me?"

Kate smiled and nodded, following him when he stood and walked out into the small hall. He shrugged on his jacket and turned to face Kate. "So don't make any plans for tomorrow night, okay?" he repeated. "And let's hope that work doesn't interfere."

They kissed one last time, but before they could get carried away too far, Tony stepped back. "See you tomorrow," he said.

"See you tomorrow," Kate replied and closed the door behind him.

--

Tony stepped into Abby's lab the next morning, wondering what might be up. She had texted him this morning, asking him to come and see her before he had to go up to the office. What could she want from him? First hand gossip about Kate and him? But wouldn't she ask Kate rather than him? Kate had told Abby about what had happened between them first thing yesterday. She knew that they were together.

He found Abby in the small office next to the lab, where she sat behind her desk and happily slurped the first Caf-Pow of the day. When she saw him, she waved and came around the table to meet him.

"Hi, Tony!" she said, giving him a hug. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," Tony replied. "How are you?" He wondered how long it would take her to spit it out.

"I'm happy," she said, smiling brightly at him.

"That's…good," Tony nodded. "May I ask why you are so happy?"

"Tony!" Abby laughed. "What do you think? I'm happy because you and Kate are finally together!"

"Oh," he said intelligently. Had she wanted to see him to congratulate him personally? He found the whole situation a bit strange. He and Abby hadn't talked that much since their argument two weeks ago when she'd told him that she thought he was jealous of Danny and she'd called him a hypocrite. He hadn't thought much about that argument during the last days, but now he started to get an idea why Abby might have been so angry.

"Abby? Did you know Kate had feelings for me?" Tony asked. "Was that why you shouted at me two weeks ago?"

Abby nodded quietly. She stepped in front of him and placed a hand on his arm. "Don't hurt her, Tony, okay? She's really in love with you. She was so depressed all that time and now she's so happy."

"Depressed?" Tony repeated. "What…?" And suddenly it hit him. "Wait, do you mean…? When Kate got so depressed those last weeks and we were worried - that was because of me?" He almost choked on the words.

Abby didn't answer his question, but the way she looked at him told him it was true.

"My god," he whispered, sitting down on the edge of the desk. "I had no idea! She didn't tell me. And I thought it was because of her near-death experience. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Kate didn't want you to know. She'd decided against telling you about her feelings."

"Yeah, that's what she said," Tony muttered. He couldn't believe that he'd done that to her. When she'd told him she had feelings for him, he hadn't really thought about how long she might have had them. All he had cared about was that she returned his feelings. He'd had no idea how much suffering he must have caused her. And the worst thing was that she'd felt she couldn't tell him what she was feeling!

"Oh my God!" he moaned. "And I still discussed my girlfriends with her!"

Abby looked at him meaningfully and he buried his face in his hands.

"I won't hurt her again," he said suddenly, looking Abby in the eyes almost imploringly, as if wanting her to say that she believed him. "I didn't know…I was stupid. I was a huge idiot."

"It's good that you see that now," Abby said sweetly, patting his arm.

Tony wasn't paying attention anymore. He had hurt her so much without even noticing it. He was a terrible person. He understood why she had hesitated so long to give in to her feelings. He had to prove to her that she could trust him now. She needed to see that he wasn't the person she took him for. Kate was different from every other woman he'd ever known and he was going to show her how much he valued her.

A couple of minutes later Tony entered the bullpen, where he saw Kate sitting behind her desk, already working. He stopped near the elevators to be able to look at her before she noticed him. His stomach was fluttering nervously, but at the same time happily. He could never quite understand, let alone describe the feeling he got the moment he entered a room she was in. Everything suddenly changed when she was there. And she didn't even have to touch him. It was her presence alone that made him feel so at peace with himself, like suddenly everything made sense.

When he finally walked over to his desk, Kate looked up and smiled at him. Tony suddenly was reminded of how it felt when that very smile appeared on her lips while he was kissing her. How her breath fluttered over his lips when she whispered something into the kiss. He shuddered with pleasure.

"Good morning, Tony," she said, her tone not giving away anything while the look she gave him spoke volumes.

"Morning, Katie," he said, just to tease her a little.

Making sure Gibbs wasn't watching her, she stuck out her tongue at him, but Tony found she made even that look sexy. Swallowing hard, he turned to his computer and switched it on.

"No new cases yet?" he spoke to no-one in particular, hoping to cover how nervous Kate had made him.

Right at that moment Gibbs' desk phone started to ring and Tony swore under his breath. He hoped they wouldn't be getting a case that made it necessary to stay at the office all evening. He had already reserved a table for tonight and didn't want to miss out on the chance to see Kate dressed up for a night out. But maybe the phone call wasn't about a case at all.

Tony wasn't lucky this time. The moment Gibbs hung up the phone he already ordered them to gear up. He tossed the keys for the truck at Tony and steered towards the elevators, coffee cup in hand. Tony, Kate and McGee hurried to get their stuff and follow their boss before he got annoyed and into a head-slapping mood.

Their new case, one seaman found dead and another disappeared in Maryland, turned out to be a difficult one. There were no witnesses and very little evidence to go on, so they had to make use of every tiny bit they got and also had to rely on "good old police work" as Tony proudly referred to it. Still they made only small progress and when the afternoon started to turn into evening, Tony was getting fidgety.

"Tony, could you stop that?" McGee asked at a quarter past six, sounding utterly annoyed. Tony just wouldn't stop fidgeting on his chair and drumming his pencil on the desk nervously, all the while stealing glances at the clock. "What's the matter with you anyway?"

"Aren't we being touchy today, McGeek?" Tony teased. "But if you have to know: I have a hot date tonight and I don't want to miss it."

Kate looked over at Gibbs' desk to make sure the senior agent was still gone. It was stupid; Tony talked about his dates all the time and it would have been more suspicious if he suddenly stopped, but it still made her nervous, knowing that he was talking about her.

"New girlfriend?" McGee asked.

"Yes," Tony said, very aware of Kate listening. "And she's gorgeous! I really wouldn't want to have to cancel our dinner. I already have everything planned."

"Are you trying to impress her?" Kate asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously at him.

"Not that I needed it, but yes, I am," Tony replied proudly.

"And how? If I may ask," Kate asked, sounding only mildly interested.

"To find that out, Kate, you'd have to go on a date with me."

McGee snorted, which made Tony turn to him. "What's so funny, Probie?"

"Nothing," McGee said, shrugging. "Just the idea that Kate would go on a date with you."

That caused Kate to burst out laughing while Tony sat there pouting.

"Don't you have anything to do?" Gibbs barked, walking past them to his desk, and they all quickly set back to work.

Half an hour later they still hadn't made any progress. They needed to interview more people and they needed results on the evidence Abby was running, but those were lengthy tests and they wouldn't be finished today.

"You can go home," Gibbs said at seven, definitely not pleased to have to postpone their investigation to the next day. "Kate, Tony, we're going to Maryland again first thing in the morning. Be late and you'll regret it."

"Yes, boss!" they said in unison, hurrying to get up and out of the office before Gibbs changed his mind.

They rode down in the elevator alone, standing very close together, their fingers laced.

"It's a good thing I reserved the table for eight o'clock," Tony said. "We should be able to make it in time."

Kate smiled brightly at him and nodded.

"I'll pick you up, okay?" he went on.

"Okay," Kate said, unable to turn her gaze away from him. She really, really wanted to kiss him, but she held herself together. She'd have plenty of opportunities to do that later.

Kate managed the impossible and was almost ready at a quarter to eight when Tony rang the buzzer.

"I'll be down in five minutes," she told him over the speaker and hurried to get her shoes, jacket and purse. Her heart was beating wildly while she almost ran down the two floors to the basement. She slowed down before she reached the front door and managed to gracefully step out onto the street. She saw Tony standing thirty feet away, leaning against the side of his parked car, and immediately felt the powerful lure that always seemed to be pulling and pushing her towards him.

He met her halfway, pulling her to him, bringing one hand up to cup the side of her neck while his other hand went around her waist. Kate's eyes fluttered shut the moment their lips met and she was washed away by the wave of tenderness running through her body. She had waited for this all day, her wish to be in his arms sometimes making it almost impossible to keep her mind focused on the work at hand.

When they finally managed to get inside the car, Tony didn't start it right away, but took a moment to look at Kate.

"What is it?" she asked tenderly, wondering what he was seeing that made this admiring expression appear in his eyes. It almost made her blush.

"You look amazing," he told her. "That dress is…" He didn't finish the sentence, but his eyes said everything Kate needed to know.

The dress she had chosen for tonight was crimson red and a lot shorter than she normally liked. She had never worn it before. She had bought it months ago on an impulse, but since then, each time she'd thought about wearing it, she had found it too daring. But today she felt bold enough for it - plus, the dress had the definite advantage that the strap on her left shoulder was exactly in the right place to cover her scar, which she felt a bit self-conscious about.

Tony took her to an elegant and romantic restaurant where the light came mostly from candles and the music was soft in the background. They talked animatedly, all the time seeking physical contact by holding hands on the table or leaning across the small distance for light kisses. They didn't seem to be able to take their gazes off each other. Kate had pleasant shivers running down her spine more than once when she found that longing expression in Tony's eyes. Once or twice she was actually thinking about suggesting to leave the restaurant and go to her apartment instead.

When they really decided to leave, Kate felt giddy with excitement. Not that she expected IT to happen tonight - they had said they'd take things slow - but there definitely were a lot of things they could do as soon as they were alone.

They didn't talk much during their ride home. The radio was playing quietly and they were content to listen to the music and hold hands whenever Tony didn't need both hands to drive the car.

He pulled up a half block from Kate's building because there was no other free parking space, and gentlemanly helped her out of the car. Kate stepped directly into his arms and tilted her face up to kiss him. Tony's hands cupped her cheeks as he gently kissed her back; then he pulled back slightly and looked down at her, smiling. He put his arm around her shoulders and started to walk towards her building with her.

Reaching the front door, Kate was already pulling her keys out of her purse but Tony stopped her by placing his hands over hers. She looked up at him, eyebrows raised in question.

"You'll come up with me, right?" she asked, starting to feel a bit self-conscious. "Just for a drink?"

Tony smiled regretfully at her and brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. "I think I should say goodnight right here," he said.

At first, Kate was too surprised to say anything, but then she smiled and shook her head. "Tony, don't worry. You can come up with me. I mean, you've been in my apartment dozens of times."

"Yeah," Tony said with a half smile. "But things are different now, aren't they?" He lifted a hand up to her face and lightly touched her cheek with his fingertips. Then he bent down and kissed her on the lips, gently at first, but soon deepening the kiss.

Kate forgot the counterargument she'd had ready and wrapped her arms around his neck instead, trying to get as close to him as possible. She sighed in relief when he slipped his arms around her waist and held her close.

They kissed for a very long time, forgetting that they were still standing outside the door. Kate knew now that she'd been right all along: being with Tony was different than any other relationship she'd ever had. He could make her turn to jelly by merely looking at her the right way. Whenever he touched her, she started to understand what it meant to be made for someone, just because of the way her hand fit into his, or because she fit right under his chin.

When they pulled out of the kiss, they didn't let go, but remained in each others arms. Tony bent his head and pressed a gentle kiss to her shoulder and the side of her neck. Her fingertips dug into his shoulders because she suddenly felt she needed to hold on to something solid or she would just dissolve into nothingness.

Tony kissed a burning trail up the side of her neck and brushed his lips over her ear before whispering: "I'm trying to do this right, okay? I want it to work. And I can't come up to your apartment tonight because I know how it would end."

"But you were up there with me yesterday and you behaved perfectly well," Kate reminded him.

"Yeah, but we didn't go on a romantic date yesterday - and you were not wearing a dress like this one." He ran a hand down the side of her body and let it rest on her hip for a moment before pulling away.

"I want to go out with you again," he said. "As soon as possible. I could take you dancing, what do you think?"

Kate beamed at him. "Seriously?"

When she looked at him like that, he couldn't help it, he had to kiss her again. But afterwards he took a step back. It was easier to say goodbye when he didn't feel the heat radiating off her body and didn't smell her perfume.

"Good night, Katie," he said, grinning lopsidedly at her.

Kate didn't even flinch at the nickname. Secretly she had started to like the sound of the name when it came from him a long time ago. She would never tell him that, of course.

"Good night, Tony," she said. "And don't be late for work tomorrow. I don't think we want to find out what Gibbs meant today when he said we'd regret being late."

Tony grimaced. "Definitely not!" he said, taking another step back. He watched her unlock the door and finally disappear inside the building. He waited on the sidewalk until he saw the lights go on in her apartment upstairs and could be sure that she had gotten home; then he slowly strolled back to his car, a huge grin plastered on his face, already impatient to see her again the next morning.

* * *

_Review please!_


	7. Chapter 7

Here you go! This chapter contains a couple of flashbacks. I don't like italics so you'll just have to pay attention while reading, but I think it should be clear what's past and what's present. I hope you enjoy the chapter as much as I enjoyed your reviews. Thanks to you all!

**Chapter**** 7 **

Tony sat bolt upright in his bed, staring into the darkness of his bedroom. He was panting heavily and sweat was trickling down his spine, making his tank top cling to his skin. That damn dream again! After the night he'd slept through on Kate's couch he'd hoped that he had finally gotten rid of his nightmare, but in the week that had passed since then, the dream had already returned twice.

Why was he still dreaming about her death? During the past days he had gotten so many new impressions on Kate - why wasn't it enough to wipe those memories from his mind? The way she looked at him when they met in the office first time in the morning; the feeling of her body in his arms; the taste of her lips. He knew now what she was like as a girlfriend, already so relaxed and comfortable around him, gentle in everything she did or said - except when they were bickering about something. They had already reached the point where they knew each other well enough to read the tiniest signs of body language. He knew when she wanted him to put his arms around her or when she wanted him to kiss her. Everything about her was new and fascinating, yet he couldn't seem to get over the past. He couldn't fight that fear hiding deep inside him, that fear of losing her.

Tony climbed out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom to splash some water in his face. He ran his wet hand over the nape of his neck where the sweat head dried up by now. Then he went back to lie on his bed and stare into the darkness. The images of the dream were still vivid in his mind. Memories of the dreams he'd had were already so numerous that he started to confound them with the memory of what had really happened. In his head, especially at night, it all melted into a blur of horrific pictures. But tonight Tony didn't try to forget, but closed his eyes and forced himself to bring the real memory back to life.

--

The first shot came completely unexpected for Tony. He watched Kate jump in front of Gibbs without really understanding what was happening. Only when she hit the ground did he understand what was going on, but he could only stare at her. Before the shock could really sink in, he already saw her moving and knew that the vest she was wearing must have stopped the bullet. Gibbs was already kneeling by her side and Tony also crouched down, wanting to make sure that she was okay.

He remembered offering her his hand to help her up. Why didn't he tell her to stay down? She was standing and was just about to say something when the second shot came. Again, Tony didn't immediately understand what was going on. Kate wasn't thrown to the ground this time, but stumbled slightly. Her right hand shot up to clutch her left shoulder and her face took on an expression of unspeakable pain.

"Kate?" Tony asked, reaching for her when she stumbled. He saw that blood was flowing through her fingers and he realized that she was hurt. But she was wearing a vest, so it was very likely only a flesh wound, right?

Then she fell. Surprised though he was, Tony managed to catch her before she hit the ground.

"Kate!" he shouted, pushing her hand away from her shoulder to look at the wound. Then he heard her try in vain to catch her breath and felt how her body tensed convulsively. He understood immediately that she couldn't breathe and that somehow the bullet must have hurt her lungs.

"Gibbs!" Tony shouted, but Gibbs was already calling for medical help.

He cradled Kate in his arms, giving pressure to her wound to make the blood flow stop. Kate was writhing in his arms, her eyes wide in panic. One of her hands was clutching at his jacket.

"Kate, hang on. An ambulance is soon going to be here. Do you hear me?" Tony tried to make her look at him, but she was now coughing violently and suddenly she was spitting out blood.

Gibbs crouched down by their side, looking at Kate in disbelief. Tony had never seen his boss look so helpless, but he didn't really think about it at that moment. He eased Kate down to the ground, tilted her head back and covered her mouth with his to try and blow air into her lungs. He tasted her blood on his lips. It didn't help; Kate's movements were already getting weaker.

"No, Kate!" Tony shouted at her. "Don't give up! Kate!" He pulled her into his arms again and held her. "Where's that ambulance?"

"They're sending a helicopter," Gibbs said. "It will be here any minute."

"Any minute?" Tony felt panic rise in his throat. Kate didn't have minutes!

Tony didn't remember much about the time they had spent waiting for the helicopter. He remembered holding Kate and talking to her, even after her eyes had closed and her movements stilled. He remembered how scared he'd been and how helpless he'd felt. He could almost feel her life slip through his fingers.

When the helicopter finally arrived and the paramedics got to them, Gibbs had to help them get the lifeless woman out of Tony's arms because he was holding on to her as if he could keep her from dying just by holding her close enough. Gibbs had to use sheer force to get Tony away from Kate. He pushed him a couple of feet back and grabbed him by the shoulders, trying to catch his gaze. "Let them help her, Tony! There's nothing you can do."

Tony nodded, feeling like he'd just been stabbed in the chest. He couldn't stand knowing that there was nothing he could do to save her. It was his job to protect her, she was his partner! And now it lay in the hands of those strangers to make Kate's heart beat again.

When he ran a hand over his forehead, he noticed the blood on his fingers. He looked down his body and saw that he was drenched in blood. It was all over his jacket, on his hands and face and even in his hair. He hated the feeling of it on his skin. Blood was not supposed to be outside of a human body, for God's sake! He could see it pool around Kate's body. She looked so small, so extremely fragile. He had to use all his willpower to convince himself that those men were helping her, but he still wanted to drag them away from her, to keep them from touching her, hurting her more. His fists were clenching and unclenching, a ridiculously small manifestation of the tornado that was thundering through his body. He was not sure what had happened, where that second shot had come from after the first one had hit Kate's vest. He had no idea how the bullet could have wounded her so badly. She was wearing a goddamn Kevlar vest!

When the paramedics lifted Kate onto a gurney and started to move her towards the waiting helicopter, Tony couldn't remain still any longer. Gibbs was already gone. He had told him where he was going, but Tony couldn't remember. He didn't care! All he knew was that he was not going to let Kate out of his sight.

"I'm coming with you!" he shouted over the noise of the helicopter.

When one of the paramedics started to shake his head, Tony flashed his badge in front of his face. He would have threatened him with his gun if it had been necessary. But the badge was enough and suddenly he was inside the helicopter, crouching by the head end of the gurney. She was only inches from him now. No farther away than when they were fighting and she got in his face. He hardly dared to reach out his hand to touch her, so afraid was he that he would not feel any life in her, but then he touched her hair and forehead and leaned closer to whisper to her even though he knew she couldn't possibly hear him over the noise inside the helicopter. He told her not to let go. He told her he knew she was a fighter and that she would never give up just like that. He begged her to come back to him.

--

Tony was at the office at three thirty in the morning, a Monday morning. He hadn't wanted to stay in bed after his dream and he could as well go back to his habit of working at night. Maybe it was good if he got some of his paper work done. Kate's sheer presence in the office had diverted his thoughts so much that he had hardly gotten any work done last week. He didn't want Gibbs to get angry because then he would have a reason to throw them out when they told him about their relationship.

Yeah, they still hadn't told him. Every day they decided that it would definitely be better to do it the next day and not right now because today they had a case or because today McGee had spilled Gibbs' coffee or because Gibbs was in a bad mood in general. Tony knew that with this sort of arguing they would never get to tell Gibbs, because seriously, when was there really a good moment to tell Gibbs something that was very likely to make him furious? He would shout at them until his head turned red, Tony was sure about that. He didn't really care so much about Gibbs shouting at him. His boss shouted so often that Tony had long ago stopped trying to avoid his wrath. But he was quite sure that the way he and Kate approached the issue of telling Gibbs would decide about whether they'd keep their jobs or not.

Tony noticed that instead of working he was only sitting there staring over at Kate's empty desk. He still didn't like the sight of it. A good five hours ago he'd kissed Kate goodnight. He knew for certain that right now she was lying safely in her bed, but still the sight of her empty desk made him uncomfortable.

He noticed how extremely quiet the office was. It was so quiet he could hear the dimmed neon lights at the ceiling hum quietly. He had spent so many nights here during the last weeks, but now he was for the first time reminded of the hours he'd spent in the waiting room at the hospital while Kate was being operated on. There he'd also listened to the sounds of the neon lights overhead and to the ticking of the clock.

--

Tony was sitting in the terribly white waiting room, staring at the wall opposite him. There was a clock ticking there, but he seemed to have lost the ability to read it. The hands and numbers were forming a strange pattern that didn't hold the slightest meaning to him. He noticed that the pattern changed, but he didn't know how much time passed.

Twice the nurse came to see if he was okay. Tony jumped to his feet at seeing her and bombarded her with questions, but she couldn't answer them. All she said was that Kate was still being operated on. The second time she said that, Tony slumped down on his chair again and buried his face in his hands. But then he felt the nurse place her hand on his arm again and he looked at her out of eyes that were burning with unshed tears.

"Your friend is still alive," she told him. "As long as her heart is beating, she still has a chance."

Tony nodded slowly, watching the nurse stand up and leave the room. Then his gaze wandered back to the opposite wall.

He didn't know how much time had passed when suddenly someone came running into the waiting room. Tony looked up at the person who had come to a full stop in the middle of the room and recognized Abby. The moment their eyes met, she ran to him and threw her arms around him. Then she was sitting on his lap, crying like a child and Tony felt like crying with her, but he was still holding back the tears.

"How is she?" Abby sobbed.

"I don't know. They're still operating. I haven't seen a doctor since I got here."

Abby was now slowly calming down and obviously finding back to her usual self because she got up and started pacing the room, all the while rambling about something. Tony didn't listen. He was trying to send Kate some of his thoughts. She couldn't be that far from him, maybe if he only concentrated hard enough, she would be able to hear him.

"Tony!" Abby said worriedly, crouching down in front of him. She must have been calling his name for some time already.

"What?" Tony muttered.

And now that she looked at him, really looked at him, she turned even paler than she usually was. "Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't even ask how you were feeling. Are you okay? Tony?"

Tony turned his gaze away from her. He didn't want to talk about himself right now.

"Oh just look at you," Abby sighed. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Tony looked at her, not understanding the meaning of her words right away. Then he looked down at his hands and bloody trousers and the bloody jacket and Kevlar vest he had discarded on the chair next to him.

"Come on, Tony," Abby said gently and pulled him up from the chair. "The restroom is just across the corridor." She led him out of the waiting room and inside the men's restroom where she turned on the water in one of the basins.

"Wash your hands first," she told him.

Tony obeyed and watched in morbid fascination how the red water was streaming down the drain. When his hands and arms were clean, Abby told him to wash his face and she helped him get the blood out of his hair, too. Then she wetted one of the paper towels and used it to get the blood off his neck. Tony had started running on autopilot. He had the feeling that as long as Abby told him what to do, he was going to be okay.

Later, Ducky came and waited with them, sitting patiently in the waiting room next to Abby. All that could be heard from him from time to time was a faint sigh and a whispered "Poor Caitlyn."

Tony had no idea how many hours had passed until finally Kate's doctor came to see them. Tony was on his feet within an instant and he felt Abby hover behind him, clinging to his hand. "How is she? She okay?" Tony immediately asked.

During the fraction of a second it took the surgeon to respond, all kinds of thoughts were whirling through Tony's head. It was like a movie playing, composed of scenes he had already lived through with Kate in the past and scenes of a future in which Kate would be no more. Those thoughts pained him to an extent he had never thought possible.

But then the surgeon nodded and smiled faintly and Tony felt how all the pain suddenly drained from his body to be replaced by a feeling of relief that made his head spin.

"She is out of surgery now and so far I'm very content with Agent Todd. She's a fighter."

"Yes she is," Tony whispered. He took a deep breath. "Is she going to make it, doctor?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, she's still not completely out of danger. The damage to her lung was severe and she might suffer later repercussions."

"I understand," Tony said, feeling his chest clench with fear again. "When will we know for sure?"

"I'd say if she gets through the night, she should be out of the rough."

"Okay." Tony felt Abby's hand tighten her hold on his and heard her sob silently. He turned to face her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"Is it possible to see her, doctor?" Tony wanted to know.

After a slight hesitation, the surgeon nodded. "You can go in to her as soon as she was put into a room. But we are keeping her in a medically induced coma, so she won't be able to respond to you."

"That doesn't matter," Tony said. All he wanted was to see her. Maybe then he would be able to breathe again.

--

Tony realized that he still felt like this sometimes; this desperate need to see her that was so strong that it made him feel like he couldn't breathe properly. He felt it every time he woke up after a nightmare. Of course, things had changed during the last week and it wouldn't really be a problem now to go and see her even in the middle of the night. But he didn't want her to worry and it would definitely worry her if he appeared on her doorstep at four in the morning. Hello, sweetheart, I just needed to make sure that you were still alive.

--

The nurse led him down the corridor to a closed door. There she smiled at him and opened the door before leaving him alone.

Tony walked through the door, holding his breath, but as soon as he spotted Kate, he let it out in one long sigh. She was occupying the only bed in the small room. The heart monitor above her head was beeping regularly while the constant whoosh-whoosh of the respirator echoed the rise and fall of Kate's chest under the blanket. When he approached the bed to stand next to her, tears rose in his eyes again. A thick bandage was covering her chest and shoulder, a tube was coming out of her mouth, an IV was attached to her arm. She was as pale as the sheet she was lying on. She looked so fragile with her almost transparent skin and tender limbs that Tony barely dared touching her. But after a minute he reached for her hand and held it tightly in his.

He bent over her, bringing his lips close to her ear and whispered, "Kate, it's me, Tony. I'm here now. You don't have to be afraid, everything is going to be fine." He kept on talking to her while he pulled a chair to her bedside and sat down on it, taking her hand again.

After some time the nurse came back and said that Tony had to leave now because Kate needed to rest, but he flat out refused. Kate had stayed with him when he had almost died merely weeks ago, he was not going to let her alone now. When the nurse insisted that he had to leave, he got angry.

"My partner has been shot at!" he told her, trying to control his voice. "As long as the bastard who did this is still out there, I'm not leaving her side. She needs protection."

This argument obviously did the trick because the nurse merely nodded curtly and turned to leave.

Content, Tony settled on the chair again and took Kate's hand in his, holding it through the night while he was watching over her sleep.

--

Tony remembered that he had been worried out of his mind while watching over Kate's sleep. Each moment he had expected the beeping of the heart monitor to stop and had prayed to God that her heart would keep on beating. He still shuddered when he thought of how pale and ill Kate had looked.

"Okay, now it's enough!" Tony told himself aloud. "Time for happier thoughts." Because he was happy, very much so. Some bad dreams at night weren't enough to really darken his mood. Having Kate as his girlfriend was, simply spoken, the best experience of his life. When one week ago she'd said that he didn't have an idea what it was like to have a real relationship, one with trust and commitment, he had agreed with her. Now he had gotten first insights - and he loved it. Kate was brilliant. She was funny and sweet and clever and sometimes one hell of annoying, but even that was lovely. He had known all these things before, but now his perspective had changed and he found it all even better. Kate making a wise-ass comment about something had sometimes been annoying and had usually led to an argument when they had been friends. Now, when he argued with her, it usually ended with the two of them kissing - a lot.

Everything, her smile, her eyes, the way she shrugged her shoulders when she couldn't decide about something or how she brushed the hair out of her face when she was concentrating, everything that had been normal before, was now simply adorable. He was sometimes surprised by himself when a simple frown from her made him break into the widest smile. But he couldn't help it.

Smiling to himself, Tony turned to his computer and settled to work. He would try to get some work done now, just a couple of hours. And he already had an idea for what he could do in the morning.

At half past six Tony left the office and went to the coffee shop where he usually had breakfast after spending the night at work. But today he ordered coffee and fresh bagels for two and took the food with him. Ten minutes later he was standing in front of her door.

A surprised looking Kate opened the door. She seemed a bit worried, but when she saw the bags with food and the coffee in his hands, she broke into a smile and stepped back to let him in.

Tony set the food down on the low cupboard next to the door to get his hands free and immediately pulled Kate into a hug. Kate came deliberately and wrapped her arms around him.

"You brought me breakfast?" she whispered. "That's so sweet."

"I was up early," Tony replied, pulling back slightly to be able to catch her lips with his. It was this moment, when he felt her warm and alive in his arms, that brought him peace after a long night spent with haunting memories.

Kate's lips left his and she opened her mouth to say something, but Tony cupped her cheeks with his hands and brought her back to him to make the kiss last. He couldn't let go yet. Kate wasn't unwilling to continue either and they spent a remarkable amount of time standing in her small hall, kissing each other.

There was something magical about kissing Kate. Tony had always liked kissing, but it had definitely ranged behind other things that he'd rather do with a beautiful woman. But with Kate he'd gladly spend hours just kissing her - though he assumed that then he'd burn from the inside out. He was still determined to take things slowly with her and to enjoy each tiny moment of it, but sometimes it was really hard, almost excruciating, really, to not just sweep her into his arms and throw her onto the bed to have his way with her.

He stopped to kiss her before he reached the point where only a cold shower could repair the damage and looked at her with a wide grin on his face. "That's what I call a good morning!" he said.

Kate smiled and led him into the kitchen.

"Did I wake you up?" he wanted to know because she was still in her pajamas.

But she shook her head. "I was just about to make coffee - but I see that's unnecessary."

Tony handed her one of the coffees he'd brought and took the bagels out of the bag. Kate got the plates out of a cupboard while Tony took everything they needed out of the fridge. When they'd settled at the small table, Kate leaned over to Tony and kissed him again. "Thank you," she said, smiling happily at him.

He grinned. "You're welcome. And now that you're so grateful, it's a good time to ask you again to go and talk to Gibbs about us."

Kate raised her eyebrows and shook her head. "That would take more than a coffee and a bagel."

"Croissants?" Tony suggested. "Because I could go and buy some. Or muffins?"

Kate shook her head.

"Waffles?" Tony tried again, making Kate roll her eyes. "You're merciless," he told her.

"A vital necessity, considering what you're asking from me."

When Tony sighed, she looked at him uneasily. "Do you think we should make a plan?" she asked.

"Do you think it would help?"

"I don't know. But obviously, waiting for the right moment to tell him isn't going to work either."

"Yeah, I figured that too. But, Kate?"

"Huh?"

"Do you think we really need to tell him?"

"He's going to find out some day and then he's going to be angry because we didn't tell him."

"Yes, but…if we don't let it interfere with our work, Gibbs might just ignore it." Tony looked at her with the hopeful expression of a six year old who wanted a space shuttle for Christmas.

"Do you think so?" Kate asked skeptically. "Doesn't sound much like Gibbs."

Tony sighed. "I know," he muttered, this time reminding her of a fourteen year old who had been told that cigarettes and alcohol were very bad things.

"Maybe we shouldn't worry so much," Kate said. "What can Gibbs do to us, anyway?"

"Fire us?" Tony suggested.

"No, he wouldn't. You know how much he hates to do job interviews."

"That's comforting."

Kate chuckled. She reached out a hand and placed it on his cheek. Tony took her hand and pressed a kiss into her palm; then he gently pulled at her arm until she left her chair and he could pull her onto his lap. Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him, but only for a moment.

"I need to get dressed," she said. "It's already quite late."

"Okay, let's be late," Tony said cheerfully, wrapping his arms more tightly around her back. He tried to kiss her, but Kate avoided him.

"We can't both be late," she said. "Gibbs would know!"

"Then we won't have to tell him anymore." When Tony couldn't reach her mouth, he started to kiss the side of her neck and her earlobe instead and felt how Kate's fingers clenched in the fabric of his shirt.

"You like that?" Tony whispered, grinning from ear to ear. He simply loved to find out little details like this!

Kate looked into his eyes for a long moment and he could see that she was fighting with herself. But her rational side obviously won. "Tony, we cannot stay at home. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes," he sighed. "I know."

"Then let me get up."

Tony reluctantly loosened his arms around her back and Kate slowly stood up. But then she leaned down and dropped a quick kiss on his lips.

"I'm going to get dressed now," she said. "And you should go to work so you won't be late."

"It's still early, I won't be late."

"Yes, but if you're still here when I get back, we definitely will be late."

Tony's face lit up and he had already opened his mouth to joke about it, but Kate looked at him sternly and he decided to shut up.

"I'll see you at the office, okay?" she said.

"Okay."

--

When they met at the office little time later, they wished each other a good morning as if they hadn't already seen each other earlier. Tony was lolling behind his desk. He didn't have any paper work due to having worked for three hours during the night. So he had plenty of time to watch Kate working.

"Tony, you're staring at me," Kate said after five minutes. "Stop it."

"I'm not staring."

"Then what would you call it?"

"Hey, look!" He pointed at his computer screen. "I'm working. There's no time for staring."

"No, Tony, I'm the one who's working. You were staring. And it's distracting."

Tony grinned. "You're so easily distracted, Katie. You should really try to concentrate more."

Kate glared at him, her eyes promising pain. She opened her mouth to shout at him, but it was Gibbs who saved him.

"Tony, stop staring at Kate and get back to work, both of you," he snapped without even looking up from his paper work.

Kate shut her mouth and sent Tony another nasty glare. He glared back, feeling the urgent need to drag her into the elevator and press the emergency stop button. She was so damn hot when she was angry!

But he didn't get a chance to put his plan into action - mainly because it would have been suspicious if he and Kate had just vanished and didn't return while - strangely enough - the elevator was blocked.

So Tony had to make it through the day without any steamy make-out sessions, but at least they were allowed to leave at five. They went back to Kate's apartment, where Tony settled on the couch while Kate went into the bedroom to change out of her work clothes.

When she returned, she sat next to him on the couch and was quiet for a long moment. Suddenly she elbowed him in the ribs.

Tony huffed and looked at her, outraged. "Crazy woman! What was that for?"

"That was for being annoying all day," Kate replied, fighting to remain serious.

"I was being annoying? You kept telling me off for nothing at all!"

Kate tried to elbow him again, but Tony blocked the attack, grabbed her and pinned her arms to her side so she couldn't do anything to him. Giggling, Kate tried to get away, but Tony pulled her to him and rolled her under him, so that in the end he was lying on top of her. Their movements stilled when they noticed what position they'd brought themselves in.

Tony took a deep breath. Kate was looking at him tenderly, one of her hands cupping his cheek. His heart was thumping in his chest and his skin was burning where it was pressed against her body, even through their clothes. He knew if they stayed like this, he would do something stupid - but he wasn't sure if it wasn't already too late.

But then he closed his eyes, took another deep breath and rolled onto his side, shifting around until Kate was leaning on his chest. He wrapped one arm around her back while the other was stroking her hair and smiled up at her.

"Lightweight," he chuckled, stunned at how a grown person could weigh so little.

Kate grinned and leaned down to kiss him, before settling comfortably on his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. "I don't want to ever get up again," she whispered. "Let's stay here forever."

Tony kissed the top of her head and nodded. "Okay."

He turned slightly so that they were lying next to each other and Kate would be more comfortable; then he wrapped both arms around her and brought her close until their limbs were completely tangled with each other's. The way she snuggled up to him and buried her face in his neck, her breath stroking his skin, was Tony's undoing. He felt completely helpless, as if from this moment on he wouldn't be able to make one single step without her. It was scary to feel that he was so completely dependant on someone. The more experiences he made together with Kate, the more he understood what she had been trying to explain to him after their first kiss when she'd told him how scared she was of getting hurt. Tony had to admit that he hadn't completely understood her then, but he did now. The thought to lose her now, the possibility that their relationship wouldn't work out, was the scariest thing he'd ever had to face. He needed this to work.

"Kate?" he whispered, his lips brushing her forehead.

She moved her head a little to indicate that she was listening and he went on, "I'm going to talk to Gibbs first thing tomorrow morning."

Now Kate looked up. "About us?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes, about us. I'm going to tell him."

"But why? I mean, you don't have to do this alone."

Tony smiled at her and his hand stroked over her hair. "I want to do it," he said. "And I think it should be me who tells him. It's a bit like asking your father for permission."

"That's a strange comparison," Kate said, not completely convinced.

"Don't worry. I'll talk to him and I'm sure it's going to be okay. And if he isn't okay with it, he'll have to fire me."

"Yeah, but I don't want him to fire you!"

Kate was looking at him worriedly, but Tony only smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her, feeling her respond immediately. Then he pulled back and placed a hand on her cheek.

"I love you, Kate. I love you very much. And that's what I'm going to tell Gibbs."

Kate's face lit up and he could almost see the sun rising when she smiled at him. He hadn't told her he loved her since he'd said it for the first time, the night they'd had their long talk. Now that he saw how happy it made her, he decided he needed to tell her more often.

--

Tony was at work very early the next day - he wanted to get it over with. Luckily, Gibbs was already sitting behind his desk when Tony arrived and looked at his agent in a strange way. When Tony went straight to Gibbs, the expression on the older man's face became even more confused.

"Gibbs, I need to talk to you," Tony said.

When Gibbs merely nodded, Tony pulled McGee's chair in front of Gibbs' desk and sat down. The others weren't here yet so he could just as well do it right here.

"There's something I need to tell you," Tony began. "I've meant to tell you for some days, but now it really has to be said."

Gibbs' eyebrows rose slightly, but he didn't say anything.

"It's about Kate and me," Tony continued. "Things have changed between us. Ever since she was in hospital, I…But it's not important how it happened," he added quickly when he noticed Gibbs' impatient look. "What you need to know is that I love her - and she loves me too. It's not going to interfere with our work. I'm not going to break her heart. I'm serious."

Gibbs didn't say anything and Tony knew that he was trying to use an interrogation technique on him. Not talking made the suspect feel the need to say something else. But Tony didn't say anything else. He had said everything that was necessary.

Finally, Gibbs reached for his coffee and looked at Tony over the rim of the cup. "If everything you say is true, if you are not going to carry your relationship into this office, I might as well just ignore what you told me."

"Ignore it?"

"Yes, ignore it, DiNozzo. Because if I didn't ignore what you told me, I'd have to fire you. But I might forget that we even talked to each other today and as long as nothing happens that reminds me of it, I can live with not knowing."

"Understood, boss," Tony said. He stood up and rolled McGee's chair back before walking back to his own desk. When he crossed in front of Gibbs' desk, the older agent looked up. "Take care of her, Tony," he said.

Surprised, Tony stopped and stared at his boss, but Gibbs had already gone back to work and was acting as if he hadn't said anything at all. Smiling, Tony walked over to his desk and wanted to sit down when he saw Kate step out of the elevator. He went over to catch her before she came into earshot of Gibbs.

"Hey!" she said when she spotted him. "Did you…?"

Tony nodded and grinned.

"What did he say?" Kate wanted to know, curious.

"He chooses to ignore the fact that we are together," Tony replied. "Which I already told you might happen. And, of course, he told me to keep it out of the office."

"Ignore it? What does that even mean?"

"It means that he's not going to fire us as long as we stay professional."

"And he didn't say anything else?"

Tony smiled again. "Nothing else," he said, and after a short silence, during which Kate was looking at him skeptically, they walked over to their desks.

* * *

A/N: So now it is out; Gibbs knows. There's one more chapter to come - but until then, let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: And a chapter for a chapter it is! ;) This is the last chapter of this story. Thanks for reading and reviewing - you've been great!

**Chapter ****8**

"You're kidding me, right?"

Kate sent Abby a pained look. The young Goth was seated on Kate's couch, the coffee mug lifted halfway to her mouth, now slightly leaning forward to be able to look at Kate more closely, coffee forgotten.

It was a Saturday afternoon and they were both off work. Kate had suggested that Abby could come over to her place because they hadn't had time for a real talk in ages. And the only topic Abby was interested in right now, of course, was Kate's and Tony's relationship.

"You're not kidding," Abby concluded, seeing the look Kate was giving her. "Oh my! Not once?"

Kate shook her head. "We decided to take things slowly."

"But it's been three weeks!" Abby exclaimed. "And you love each other. What are you waiting for?"

Kate shrugged. To be honest, she had asked herself the same question. It had been a good idea for them not to jump into bed on the first night, but by now they knew for certain what they wanted and there wasn't really a reason to wait anymore – but loads of reasons not to wait; like the fact that she was going nuts, for example.

"Is it the two of you who want to wait or just one? Do you feel you aren't ready yet, Kate?"

Kate felt the heat rise in her cheeks. "Sorry to have to turn your world upside down, but it actually is Tony who doesn't want to…well I don't know if he doesn't want to, but he's definitely the one who's stopping us." Kate let out a deep sigh and took a sip from her coffee to keep her hands occupied. She was a tiny bit embarrassed by the topic, even though Abby was her best friend.

"Have you talked about it?" Abby asked when she had regained her ability to speak.

Kate shrugged. "Not really. You know I don't like to…I'm not good at talking about it."

"With 'it' you mean sex?" Abby asked matter-of-factly.

Kate bit her bottom lip and nodded. "I just never seem to be able to get out a coherent sentence when talking about it. And I definitely don't know how to raise the subject."

Abby sighed. She knew Kate was not as prude as some people thought she was - and she definitely didn't have a problem with the thing itself - but sometimes she really tended to be a bit inhibited when it came to discussing these matters.

"So you haven't told Tony that you'd like to sleep with him?" Abby asked, just to make sure.

Kate lifted her right shoulder up to her ear in a strangely lopsided shrug. "Not really," she muttered.

"But you do want to, right?"

Kate's gaze met Abby's for a short moment and Abby saw the glittering in her friend's eyes.

"Oh yes!" Kate said, blushing a little and burying her face in her hands.

"And has Tony given you a reason why he still wants to wait?" Abby wanted to know.

"We said in the beginning that we wanted to take things slowly. I guess he's just trying to respect that. But with slowly I meant a couple of dates. Now it's been three weeks and we're seeing each other almost every night. I have no idea how long he wants to wait."

"I guess you should really ask him."

"I know!" Kate groaned. "But what…? I mean, what if…?"

"What?" Abby asked gently, feeling that there was something really bothering Kate. She leant over to her and took her hand in hers. "What is it, Kate?"

"It's nothing, just that I keep thinking…Maybe he doesn't want to sleep with me, you know?"

Abby gave her the most incredulous look she was capable of, which wasn't difficult seeing what Kate had just said. "Are you kidding me?" she exclaimed. "Tony is practically undressing you with his eyes every time you are in the same room with him."

"Then why doesn't he when he has the opportunity to really do it?" Kate sighed, frustrated. She hadn't planned to discuss this with Abby because she'd known that her friend would tell her that she was being stupid. And most of the time Kate knew she was. But she also started to really have doubts and the fact that her boyfriend had a long, long history of dating women whose cup size out-measured that of their IQ didn't help the matter. Kate was well aware that she wasn't exactly ugly herself, but she'd always had some problems thinking of herself as sexy.

"Kate," Abby said to get her friend's attention. "What exactly do you and Tony do when you're alone? I mean, you're making out sometimes, right?"

Kate nodded and a small smile started to tug at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah." They definitely did. Usually, watching a movie together was only another word for having a really steamy make-out session on the couch. But at some point Tony always stopped them. On some occasions he let them go farther than on others. Some nights ago Kate had lost her shirt for the first time and she still had goose bumps rise all over her body at the memory of Tony's lips on her bare skin. But he had stopped them just like all the other nights before they lost any more clothes.

"What am I supposed to do?" Kate asked, sounding desperate.

"Have you tried seducing him?"

"What?"

Abby shrugged innocently, smiling at the outraged expression on her friend's face. "All I'm saying is that just because Tony is hesitating, doesn't mean you have to give in all the time. Just show him what he's missing."

"No," Kate said silently. "I couldn't. I mean…I would make a fool of myself."

'And what if he turns me down again?' she added in her thoughts. It would definitely be the most embarrassing moment in her life.

"Kate, I really think you should talk to him," Abby said. "Tell him that you're ready."

Kate nodded slowly, but didn't answer.

"Is he coming over tonight?" Abby wanted to know.

"Yeah. He's bringing takeout."

"Then do it tonight. Don't wait any longer if this is bothering you so much."

--

When Abby was gone, Kate was thinking a lot about what her friend had told her. Should she really try to seduce Tony? But how on Earth was she supposed to do that? She was definitely not going to strip and she usually didn't feel comfortable in seductive lingerie. She didn't think this was going to work for her. But when she was standing in front of her closet later, thinking about what to wear tonight, she realized that maybe she shouldn't push away Abby's idea right away. After all, when women dressed up for men, there was always some idea of seduction behind it. Whenever she looked at a piece of garment she wondered how Tony would like it on her. She wanted to look good for him. She could also wear sweat pants and a T-shirt tonight, but she definitely wouldn't. So if she was going to dress nicely anyway, why not try and look extra nice tonight?

One hour later Kate had found out two things: the first was that she owned an awful lot of clothes that she'd never worn. The other was that almost all those clothes were exactly what she was looking for tonight.

First she chose a lacy black and red bra with matching panties. Then she put on a white skirt that only went down to her mid thigh and played nicely around her legs. She combined it with a brown shirt that was a perfect mixture of tight and yet flowing, still leaving things to the imagination. She didn't apply a lot of makeup, and she let her hair down. No jewelry except for her cross.

When she looked into the mirror she was very pleased with what she saw. She had managed to make herself look sexy, but not cheap and that was exactly what she'd wanted. She wanted Tony to drool when he saw her, but didn't want to remind him of the women he usually dated.

--

Tony arrived at seven. Kate let him in and - as usual - the nagging doubts she had been having all day just vanished as soon as she saw him. She stepped into his arms and accepted the kiss he gave her, already feeling her knees go weak.

When they broke out of the kiss, Tony placed his hands on her hips and held her at an arms length to look at her.

"Wow!" he said, not finding any other words to describe her. "You look…Wow!"

"Thank you," Kate said, smiling sweetly at him and disappearing in the direction of the kitchen, adding a little extra sway to her walk. She smiled to herself when she noticed that Tony almost stumbled over his own two feet as he tried to follow her as quickly as possible.

In the kitchen he set the bags with the food on the counter and watched Kate stretch up to get plates down from a cupboard.

"What have you done today?" he asked, to keep his mind on something other than the sight of her legs in that skirt.

"Abby came over," Kate answered, setting the plates down and starting to unpack the boxes Tony had brought.

Tony stepped closer and ran a hand up her arm. "Did you talk about anything interesting?" he wanted to know.

"Yeah, we talked about my other boyfriend."

"The one you're keeping secret from me?"

"Exactly."

"How is he doing?"

"Not so good. He says he's sick of having to hide in the closet all the time."

Tony grinned and Kate also smiled. She leaned forward and caught Tony's lips in a gentle kiss, feeling how his hands came up to stroke her hair. Immediately, the temperature in the room seemed to rise considerably. Kate didn't care one bit about dinner tonight. She wanted to drag Tony into the bedroom and stay there until the next morning.

But Tony obviously had different plans. He soon pulled out of the kiss and the next moment he was opening the fridge and scanning its contents. "What are you drinking?" he asked casually.

Kate loved the way he felt at home in her apartment, but sometimes she wanted to hit him for how he always managed to just go back to his routine while her head was still buzzing with the memory of the kisses they shared.

"I'll have white wine," she said after a pause. Screw him! She hated how easy it was for him to turn her into putty in his hands while he seemed to remain unaffected by it all. She was really starting to consider what Abby had suggested earlier. She couldn't just continue doing nothing at all.

They ate in the kitchen and talked about nothing in particular. The conversation was flowing easily between them like it always did, but Kate was not only talking; she was also using each and every tiny excuse she could find to touch Tony - and if she didn't find one, she touched him just the same. She would take his hand in hers and hold it for some moments, touch his arm or face, and she also ran her foot along his leg under the table. When Tony stumbled over his own words once or twice, she smiled sweetly at him, not giving away that she was doing it on purpose.

"D-do you want some more wine?" Tony asked. They had finished eating and had spent the last minute just looking at each other while Kate's foot had reached Tony's thigh.

She shook her head no and smiled at him before she got up and walked around the table to stand behind him. Slipping her arms around his chest, she bent down and brushed her lips over his ear.

"Come with me," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

Without a word, Tony followed her out of the kitchen and into the living room and sat down on the couch as she told him to, putting his arms around her when she settled on his lap. Holding his gaze with hers, she placed her hands on either side of his neck and rubbed her thumbs over his skin. Her face slowly approached his until she could feel his breath on her face. He tried to kiss her, but she pulled away just enough to evade the touch of his lips, chuckling softly when a sound of protest escaped him. His hands slowly crept around her waist and up her back until he could pull her to him to finally kiss her.

Like always, kissing him took her breath away, but Kate didn't allow herself to get carried away. She wanted to be the one in control only once. As the kiss went on, Kate slowly shifted her weight and slid off Tony's lap, but only to straddle him one second later. Tony's hands found her hips to steady her and pull her closer at the same time. While his hands started to roam over her back, Kate's fingers played with the top button of Tony's shirt and finally undid it. The second button followed, so did the third. Without breaking the kiss, Kate opened all the buttons on Tony's shirt and, when she was finished, pushed the garment off his shoulders. Tony let go of Kate to take his shirt off completely and Kate, seizing the opportunity, whipped his tank top over his head as well. That, of course, interrupted their kiss and they took a moment to look at each other.

"Kate…" Tony started, but she silenced him by placing her right index finger across his lips.

"Shush," she whispered before kissing him again.

Her hands started to explore the exposed skin of his chest and shoulders, almost shy at first, but soon getting bolder. She placed a line of kisses down the side of his neck and shoulder, her hands feeling the muscles of his upper arms. She loved to feel his skin under her hands; it was so soft under her touch.

"Kate," he whispered, this time not objecting, merely giving way to some of his emotions.

Kate placed a soft kiss on his lips before looking at him. His hands had wandered under the hem of her shirt and were resting on the bare skin of her back. Kate could feel her skin burn where he was touching her. Slowly, not breaking eye contact with him, she lifted her arms up over her head, waiting for Tony to react and praying that he would. It only took the fraction of a second, but to Kate it seemed like an eternity. Then Tony's hands grabbed the hem of her shirt and carefully pushed it up her body, pulling it over her head and discarding it on the floor next to his shirt and tank top.

His eyes lingered on her lacy bra and she could see him swallow hard. One of his hands had come to rest on her thigh, some of his fingers actually touching her skin because her skirt had slid upwards. His fingertips were moving, tracing patterns on her skin, so lightly that the touch almost tickled.

Slowly, as if having to convince himself first, Tony bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her breast, just above the lacy fabric of her bra. He then kissed the hollow of her throat and paused for a moment before brushing his lips over the scar on Kate's shoulder. His hands went around to her back and he pulled her gently to him, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. She felt him take several deep breaths and tensed because she knew that he was about to stop them again.

"Tony," she whispered into his ear. "It's okay." She cupped his face with both hands and made him look at her again. When he did, she kissed him on the lips, lightly at first, but soon deepening the contact. He started to respond, but then he pulled away and shook his head.

"No, we have to stop," he said.

"But…why?" Kate asked, not able to hide the disappointment in her voice. She ran her hands over his shoulders, desperately wanting to feel him. "Don't you want to…?"

"Kate," he sighed, making her name sound like a silent prayer. "I do want to - you have no idea how much."

"Then why?" she asked weakly. She knew that she sounded pathetic, but she didn't care right now.

"I don't know," he whispered, dropping his head to her shoulder again. His arms tightened around her body and Kate gave in to his embrace. "Give us some more time, Kate, please." His voice sounded muffled against her skin.

Taking a deep breath, Kate kissed the top of his head. "Okay," she whispered into his slightly tousled hair. "It's okay." She was disappointed, but felt that there wasn't anything she could do. She had never thought sex was that important anyway. For her, the most important thing was to be with Tony and even though she'd definitely like to sleep with him, she knew that she could live without it as long as they were together. But the thing she couldn't live with was the doubt his constant refusal evoked in her. Okay, he said he wanted her, but his actions told her differently. And the answer 'I don't know' to the question why he didn't want to sleep with her wasn't exactly satisfying and it didn't help to reduce her fear of being rejected.

Kate knew she should tell him how she felt, how much it hurt her to not know what he really wanted, but she couldn't find the right words and her throat suddenly felt too tight to say anything at all.

Tony's breath was still labored while he was resting his forehead on Kate's shoulder – her naked shoulder. His fingers were itching to touch her soft skin, to evoke another soft moan in her throat. He wanted it so much that he felt like he was suffocating. But he couldn't do it. And he just wished he knew why. Kate wanted it, she wanted to sleep with him; and he wanted her too, but whenever he really thought of acting on his feelings, something inside of him blocked.

Her petite body in his arms felt delicate and fragile. Before the night he'd seen her in hospital he had never noticed how small Kate really was. She could be hurt so easily. But she trusted him with her life and her heart and he was still in awe every time she deliberately stepped into his embrace and let him hold her. He had never experienced a trust like hers – somehow it changed everything. He was used to women who expected nothing and gave nothing except their bodies. It was the most uncomplicated sex one could have, sex that had no consequences. Tony couldn't remember the last time it had been different for him – maybe it had never been different. But now it was. And it didn't surprise him because he had expected that with Kate it would be different, even before they were together. But he had thought that he wouldn't have a problem doing it all the same – the thing itself was the same, right? But now there were a million questions in his head and each one of them made him hesitate. The most pressing for him was the question of what would happen after he'd spent a night with Kate. He didn't normally worry about what came after the sex because there were only two possible options: either he didn't see the woman ever again or there was a second night, maybe a third and then he didn't see the woman ever again. But none of these options applied here and Tony was completely at a loss.

The old Tony DiNozzo would have just forgotten about his doubts and had sex with the woman, but the new Tony DiNozzo didn't seem able to do it. Great! Perfect time to develop a mind that's capable of considering consequences.

--

All Sunday, Kate was in a bad mood. It was not really justified because the previous evening hadn't been unpleasant at all. After some initial problems to get over the awkward feeling that had followed the…situation, they had managed to spend a quite enjoyable evening. They had opened a bottle of wine and had looked at some pictures of Kate's family when she'd still been a child. Tony had had a great time teasing her by calling her 'freckles' because she'd had some freckles on her nose and cheeks as a child. They had also kissed again later, but hesitantly this time.

It had been great, but when Tony had been gone, Kate had immediately felt those nagging doubts again. Why was he still rejecting her? Why was he treating her as if she might break if he wasn't careful? And why was she such a coward and didn't dare confronting him about his reasons? Well, maybe she knew the answer to this last question. She was afraid to find out that Tony really didn't find her attracting. He'd said he loved her, several times, and she really believed him, but she feared that he might love her in a different kind of way. Like in a "you're my best friend and the most important person in the world to me" kind of way, but without the "I'm crazy about you and can't take my hands off you" note that Kate, in the past, had always thought to be not so important, but which now seemed to her the most essential of it all. And what disturbed her most was that in the past she'd always seen Tony as a person who was only capable of that latter feeling while he ignored the first one completely. What could it mean that now it was the other way round?

Kate was extremely frustrated all morning. She went for a five mile run in a desperate attempt to clear her mind, but then she added another five miles because it wasn't working. When she got home she was completely exhausted, but her mind still wasn't giving her a rest.

For the rest of the day she tried to keep busy by first cleaning the apartment, then going shopping and finally by baking. She made two trays of muffins and - to her own surprise - they were edible. Finally she settled down on the couch and started to read, but she couldn't focus and after having read the same page four times, she gave up. She switched on the TV, hugged a cushion to her body and watched game shows for the rest of the afternoon.

--

The following week didn't bring any changes between her and Tony. They were still having a great time together and she felt herself fall more deeply for him each day. But the physical aspect of their relationship - except for some kissing - was left out completely.

Friday night, Abby took Kate, Tony and McGee clubbing. She wanted Kate to relax because her friend had been quite moody all week. Tony was still playing hard-to-get and Abby knew that Kate was starting to really doubt herself. So Abby had wanted to give Kate an opportunity to dress up and use the dance floor to show Tony what he was missing. It seemed to work. Once inside the club, Kate and Tony headed directly to the dance floor. Abby grinned when she saw how they were moving together. They were made for each other!

"Did I miss something with those two?" McGee asked, staring at his two colleagues in mild shock.

"Oh, McGee!" Abby sighed. "And you are supposed to be a special agent?"

McGee glared at her. "Aren't they afraid Gibbs might find out?"

Abby shrugged. "Gibbs already knows," she said.

"What?" McGee exclaimed. "And why didn't I know about it?"

Abby smirked, shaking her head, and pulled McGee onto the dance floor with her.

Later, the four of them found a free table and ordered a round of drinks. Kate immediately took a huge gulp of her cocktail, which made Tony first stare then laugh.

"Easy there, freckles, you're not supposed to drink this all in one go."

Kate grimaced and set her cocktail down, coughing slightly. "I'm thirsty," she said with a shrug. Tony kissed her before sliding out of their booth. "I'll get you a glass of water," he said, heading for the bar.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Abby said.

Kate smiled, her gaze still following Tony through the crowd. He looked so damn hot in those jeans! He brought her a glass of water minutes later and she thanked him sweetly, but she still felt like she needed something a bit stronger tonight. She'd never understood that people used alcohol as a means to make them stop thinking about their problems, but tonight she was willing to try it for the first time. She always over-analyzed everything, a little pause would only do her good.

Two cocktails and three martinis later, Kate was in an exuberant mood. She was all over Tony, who soon noticed that his girlfriend - who normally didn't like to be too demonstrative in public - might have had one or two drinks too many.

They were on the dance floor when Tony finally took Kate's upper arms and kept her at an arm's length to look her in the eyes - and to stop her from nibbling his earlobe, which was almost driving him crazy. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked her.

"What?" she shouted over the noise.

Sighing, Tony took her hand and led her off the dance floor into a corner that was a bit quieter. Kate, who thought that he wanted to be alone with her, grinned and tried to kiss him again, but Tony stopped her. He ran his hand through her hair and smiled at her. "Are you okay?" he asked again.

"Sure I am. Why?"

"Because you've had quite a lot to drink tonight and you're not used to it."

"Nah, I'm okay," she said.

Tony couldn't keep from smiling at the slight blur in her voice. "Maybe I should take you home anyway," he suggested. "It's getting late."

"Yeah," Kate sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him. "Maybe we should go home."

Tony informed Abby that they were heading home; then he maneuvered Kate out of the club with an arm around her shoulders to make her walk straight. Outside he hailed them a cab and helped Kate climb on the backseat. On the way home she was leaning against his side, her head resting on his shoulder. She was really wasted.

When they arrived at Kate's building, he paid the driver and helped Kate out of the taxi. The cool night air seemed to wake her up a bit - at least she was able to walk on her own without great problems. She gave Tony her keys and he let them in, called the elevator for them and held Kate in his arms while waiting for it.

Inside the elevator, Kate snuggled closer to Tony. When he stroked her hair, she lifted her face up and kissed him, not wanting to pull away, not even when they had reached her floor. Tony backed her out of the elevator and towards her door, breaking out of the kiss to use the key.

But when Kate entered, Tony remained standing under the door jamb.

"Aren't you coming in?" she asked, reaching for his hand.

"I wanted to make sure that you got home safely," he said.

"And now you want to leave?"

"Yeah." He nodded, grinning sheepishly.

"But I don't want you to go," Kate said, stepping up to him and pulling him down to her for a passionate kiss. She managed to pull him inside the apartment and kick the door shut behind them. Despite his words, Tony was now kissing her back, turning to push her with her back against the door.

Kate gasped when his mouth turned rough on hers and her right hand fisted in his hair. They moved out of the hall and into the living room, where Kate tried to pull him over to the couch, but Tony didn't quite follow her lead. He broke out of the kiss and she felt his eyes on her face, even in the dark. Then he reached out a hand and switched on the light next to the door.

Kate wasn't sure about what he was intending to do. With a hesitant smile she took his hands in hers and tried to pull him towards the couch again. This time he took a couple of steps before stopping again. Starting to get really frustrated, Kate stared at him and noticed that his eyes were wandering over her body. She remembered what Abby had said about Tony trying to undress her with his eyes and she definitely recognized the longing expression in his gaze. But since he wasn't really doing anything at all, Kate decided to make it easier for him.

Taking a couple of steps back, Kate grabbed the hem of her shirt and slowly pulled it over her head. While she dropped the piece of garment to the floor she didn't take her eyes away from Tony. She could see the muscles in his jaw clench and his eyes grow darker as his pupils dilated. But he still hadn't moved.

So Kate slowly slipped off her heels and then undid the zipper at the back of her skirt. The skirt slipped down her hips and legs and landed on the floor with a rustling sound. Now, Kate was standing in the middle of her living room, wearing nothing but a dark red bra and panties, while Tony was still fully dressed and wasn't moving an inch. But his eyes were on her and if it hadn't been for the longing expression in them, Kate might have reached for a blanket to cover her by now. But his eyes were enough encouragement for her to step closer to him and lift her hands up to his shoulders.

As soon as she touched him, Tony's hands came up to her waist and wandered up and down the sides of her body. She shivered at his touch and tilted her face up, wanting to kiss him, but Tony didn't bend down to her. So she used her hands to pull him down to her, but suddenly he grabbed her wrists and carefully took her hands off his shoulders.

"No," he said quietly, shaking his head without looking at her.

Kate stepped back from him and instinctively reached for the plaid that was lying folded on the armrest of the couch to wrap it around her. This could not be real. Tony had not just said no to her again. Within an instant all the worries of the weeks before she had confessed her feelings to Tony came rushing back into her mind. The fear of being refused by him, the desperation at the thought that she wasn't his type. The strange thing was that all that time she had been afraid that Tony would only want sex and wasn't interested in her as a person and now it was the exact opposite. But it didn't hurt any less. He didn't want her.

"Kate," Tony said gently, seeing how upset she was. "You're drunk. This is not supposed to happen like this. You're not yourself right now."

"Yeah, as if being myself would help matters," she snapped, pulling the plaid more tightly around her body. She was sick of hearing his excuses!

"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, sounding completely surprised.

"Would you have let us go on if I hadn't had any alcohol tonight?" she wanted to know, determined to call his bluff.

When he didn't answer and just continued to stare at her, she drew back further because she was feeling so embarrassed. "Maybe you should leave," she said. Suddenly, tears were burning in her eyes and she turned away from him so he wouldn't see.

"Kate, what are you talking about?" Tony asked again. "What is it?"

"Go," Kate said, not liking the weak sound of her voice.

"Why?"

"You don't even want to be here. You should go."

"Of course I want to be here! I was just worried that you might…well…do something you'd regret later. Do you want to be drunk on our first night?"

"After four weeks? I don't think I'd care," she snapped.

Now Tony finally left the spot he had been standing in all that time and went over to Kate. He stepped behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, but she shrugged him off. "Don't," she whispered, a sob hitching in her throat.

"Kate…" he said softly. "Tell me what's wrong."

The first tears were running down Kate's face and suddenly she couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"You said you wanted to be with me," she sobbed. "You said I was all you were thinking about."

"You are!"

"But why don't you want to…to…Don't you find me attractive?" she whispered.

"Are you kidding me?" Tony took her by the shoulders again and turned her around so she was facing him. He placed his right hand under her chin and lifted her face up to his. "I've never seen anything as beautiful as you," he said, his voice trembling slightly.

A tiny sob escaped her and Tony quickly pulled her into his arms. "How could you think I didn't find you beautiful?" he asked.

"Because…because…" She was sobbing so hard that she couldn't form the words.

But Tony understood. He pulled back slightly and cupped her face with both hands. "Is it because we haven't had sex yet?" he asked.

Kate nodded, still sobbing.

Tony sighed deeply. "Come here, let's sit down again," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders to make her sit down on the couch. Kate followed him without resistance, still clutching the blanket. She wanted to talk this out, but she was so scared of what he might say. Maybe they'd made a mistake. Maybe they should have just remained friends. But then Tony leaned in and kissed her, so lovingly that it made her heart ache. After a moment Kate pulled back and looked away.

He sighed. "Kate, I love you. You know that, don't you?"

She nodded.

"Four weeks ago you were afraid that you couldn't trust me, remember? You thought I only wanted to have sex. So we decided to take things slowly."

Kate nodded again. "But that was four weeks ago," she said. "You must have noticed that I didn't want to wait anymore."

"Yeah, I did notice," Tony said sheepishly.

"Then why?" Kate demanded.

"Because I'm not ready yet," Tony said and now he was the one who was looking away.

Kate looked up. What? She turned to look at him and placed a hand on his arm. "Tony?"

"You asked me once if I'd ever slept with a woman I loved, can you remember?"

Kate nodded. "You said no."

He smiled at her. "You also said that I might not know the difference between wanting to be with someone and wanting someone. I wanted to prove you wrong and I also wanted to prove to myself that I could have a relationship without sex."

"Yeah, you proved that."

Tony chuckled at her sarcastic tone, but he turned serious again when Kate looked at him and he could still see the tears in her eyes. There was a question inside of him, something he was really burning to ask, but it would sound so damn stupid.

He looked at Kate and saw that she was openly returning his gaze. "Kate?" he asked quietly. "How do you do it? No, not it, I mean…how…" Tony grunted and ran a hand through his hair.

"What, Tony?" Kate asked gently. "What is it?"

"How do you do it when it means so much? How can you know what will happen afterwards?"

But instead of giving him an answer, Kate smiled weakly and nodded. "Scary, isn't it?" she asked.

Tony looked at her, surprised. It took a while until he understood what she had said. "Then it is always like this?" he wanted to know. "In a relationship?"

"That's what I always tried to explain to you," Kate said patiently. "It is a huge step. And it is scary. Because it changes things. What if you find out that your chemistry isn't what you thought it was? What if it's not good? And it always involves a lot of trust - at least for me it does."

Tony nodded slowly, thinking about what she'd just said. "And what can you do about it?" he asked.

This made Kate smile. "Nothing," she said. "You don't have to do anything about it; because it's normal. It's a risk that people take when they trust each other."

Sighing, Tony leaned back on the couch and let his head fall back. "This is complicated," he said after a moment and Kate laughed.

Soon he sat up again and looked at her. Kate, who was still holding the blanket around her, blushed slightly under his imploring gaze.

"You know, for someone who was totally wasted half an hour ago, you are saying very intelligent things," he said with a smirk.

Kate gave him an outraged look. "I was not totally wasted!" she protested. "Maybe a bit tipsy, that's all! And I feel sober again by now."

"That's good," Tony said, leaning towards her to press a soft kiss to her lips. Then he drew back, just enough to look at her, and he put his hands over hers, gently opening her fingers so that the blanket slipped off her shoulders. The breath he let out then was shaky and she could feel that his hands were trembling.

"You know," she said, only half serious, "we don't have to do this tonight. We have all the time in the world."

Tony didn't find this funny, not one bit. "You were almost killing me those past weeks," he breathed into her ear. He pushed her back onto the couch until he was lying on top of her. "Each time you kissed me," he whispered against her lips. "Each time you touched me…"

Kate cupped his face in her hands and placed her thumbs on his lips. "Don't talk," she whispered. "We've done enough of that. Show me now."

--

When the hours of night were turning into morning and the first light that announced the rising of the sun fell through the window, Tony was lying awake in bed with a sleeping Kate in his arms. Her skin shimmered silvery in the pale light and was warm and soft under his touch. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her left arm draped over his waist and her legs tangled with his. He could feel her breath hot on his neck and shoulder.

Tony had been awake for some time, though he didn't know how much time had really passed. Maybe he had spent hours watching Kate and listening to her breath. He was thinking about the two years he had known her; about how he'd found her extremely stiff and stressy in the beginning and how he had slowly started to like their daily banter. He didn't know when the change had happened and he'd started to see her as more than just his colleague. All he knew was that when he had been in hospital with the plague, there was no other face but hers he'd wanted to see.

He had taken a long time to finally figure it all out, but now he had and he was glad that it hadn't been too late. Hadn't it been for Kate he might have never found out what it was like to love someone. Because love wasn't just a word, as he had always thought. It was a way to look at someone and know that they would always come first in your life. It was the certainty of belonging to someone. Making love to Kate had been a new experience altogether. It had been a wish and fulfilling and a promise for the future. And Tony DiNozzo, who had never made promises to women, found himself pouring his heart-blood into this one.

Kate stirred in her sleep and muttered something; then she snuggled closer to him and sighed happily. Tony smiled. He would have loved to wake her to be able to talk to her – and do other things – but he didn't. He wanted to go on watching over her sleep. The first time he had watched over her like this had been in hospital. It had been a night full of fear and worry, but he still remembered having thought then that this was the place where he belonged. Her side was where he wanted to be and it was where he would stay.


End file.
